Addictive ~Levi x Reader AU~

Chapter 29: High

I glanced down at the bottle Ymir had given me. Do I really need these? Does this really have to be a thing? I bit my lips and squeezed my eyes shut. Eh, fuck it. YOLO. I opened up the bottle and retrieved a few of the pills. I knocked them back and swallowed them down with a swig of my bottled water. The content went down my throat and into my stomach where it would be absorbed by my body. Now, I wait.

I glanced at the time and gathered up my things, beginning my way to biology. I decided to go a different route as a means to avoid anyone I might recognize. I made it outside and about froze. What I saw almost broke my heart into a million different little pieces. Levi was there, hidden from view with that same woman. They were kissing...deeply with his hands pressed on her hips holding her close. They didn't appear to notice me, which was a blessing as I bolted for the science building. My chest burned and my eyes were watery but I didn't give a damn. I just wanted to get away from that scene.

I made it into the science room, panting and huffing. No one had shown up yet, so that gave me time to compose myself. I sat at a lone table in the back and swallowed the lump in my throat. My heart was racing against my ribs vigorously as my pulse strummed in my ears. My face was warm from both running and my rattled emotions, most likely causing my cheeks to flush red. I wiped my eyes to rub away any of the tears which escaped my hold and breathed in a haggard breath. I felt like I was physically going to die from what I saw. It hurt so horribly. Why does it even matter? We were never really a thing. All we ever did was have sex. I squeezed my eyes shut. All I ever was to him was some sex object. Right?

My heart rate began to steady as my breathing evened when I heard a clamorous thud against the wall. I jumped up and scanned the room to see Hanji staring at me with her hands on her hips. She had one of her brows lifted and her chocolate stare on me, the confusion sprawled across her face.

"I'm guessing you didn't get the class email?" she asked, walking closer to me.

I knitted my brows in confusion. "What email?"

"That's a no then," she giggled. "My science classes have been canceled all day due to meetings and all that fun stuff."

"Oh," I replied. "I see. Well, then I sho-"

"Are you okay, Y/N?" she randomly blurted, kneeling in front of me.

She was examining my face, her eyes narrowing and scanning my expression. She pressed the back of her hand to my forehead and grabbed my wrist with the other, feeling my pulse. I sat there, utterly confused but didn't stop her. The pills were just beginning to take effect, which had me going to a happy place I didn't even know existed. I was starting to mellow out and go numb -something I desperately needed.

"Hmm..." she hummed. "Well, you don't appear to have a fever and your pulse feels normal, but you still look sick." She gazed up at me with concern. "All the color has drained from your face and your eyes look a little sunk in. Is everything okay?"

I smiled and shrugged, "I'm just fine Hanji. Just a lot going on these days."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she perked up and grabbed the chair in front of my seat. She sat down in it and smiled, "Talking about things is a great stress reliever."

I shook my head, "No. I'm good. Thank you though."

Her smile became laced with sadness as she huffed, "Are ya sure?"

"Yeah," I nodded, rising to my feet. "I should get going. I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Okay," Hanji sighed. "Well, if ya ever need to talk, ya can count on me. Kay?"

"Kay," I repeated

***

I glanced at the clock. It had been a few hours since I last had some of the pills and I could already feel them losing their effect on me, so I knocked back a few more. I won't deny it, I liked the way they made everything just go numb to me. It was nice. I wasn't anxious, hurting, nor feeling much of anything. I was just numb...I was just merely there. I was just blissfully existing. I didn't care what else was going on so long as I didn't feel a damn thing. It was so magical.

"This is nice," I giggled, gazing up at my living room ceiling. "I can't feel anything. I don't even remember why I was upset. Do you, Ryuk?"

I glanced down at my bearded dragon. He was on the floor, eating some of his special veggie treats from his bowl. He glanced up at me and blinked, most likely disappointed at what he saw. I was a crumbling mess, just laying on my couch letting my mind slip. I was taking more than the recommended dose, but not enough to be considered lethal. It was enough to get me so relaxed that my mind slipped a few times. I was high and I was perfectly okay with it.

"How about you, Mr. Captain Morgan?" I turned to the half-empty glass of alcohol. "Do you remember? No? Okay."

I knocked back another swig, too stupid to care that I was mixing a medication with alcohol. I was in self-destruct mode, but it didn't matter. None of it did. In my mind, I was right back to where I was before I relocated to Trost. I was back to losing friends and being all alone. Sure, I still had Connie, Jean, and Hanji, but it was only a matter of time before they followed in Marco's footsteps. Before long, they would have ditched me and I'd be all alone again...no one but Andy there to whisper in my ears. No one but Andy to dry my tears. No one but Andy to have me all to himself. That was the most upsetting part. The one I worked so hard to get away from was going to have me right where he wanted me.

I snorted into my glass, "What an ass."

**Hello lovelies! So, this chapter was a little hard to write, but here ya go. I know it's kinda moving fast. Don't worry, you'll see why this is all getting to ya so badly. Just hang in there. As always, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR READING!! It always means a super duper a lot! Feel free to comment/vote/follow me! Wuv you all <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "All Alone" by Kutless