The Super Dead Brother Games

Day Seven - Never Do Parkour Around Lava

Linda was still on the table when the morning came. She sat up from where she had been sleeping.

The lava now reached three-quarters of the way up the table's legs, and it was still rising.

Or the table was burning. She wasn't sure.

The intercom crackled to life.

"Oh yeah, we're getting married in-" They pressed a button- "George! I told you to wait!" The DM sighed. "Yes, mother, I know- goodbye, mother." They groaned, and the phone beeped to signal they had hung up. They coughed awkwardly. "Anyway. It has come to our attention that the house is full of lava. Luckily, everyone is in their rooms."

Linda coughed.

"Shit. Everyone is in their rooms, except Linda."

"No, it's okay!" Linda shouted sarcastically. "Just forget about me, leave me to die!" She folded her arms.

"Well, it will make Placeholder Name happy, I'll get a pay raise-"

Linda wasn't sure if they were ignoring her sarcasm or if they hadn't noticed it. She folded her arms in a more exaggerated way and paired it with a death glare at the cameras.

The DM sighed. "Right, fine, we'll work something out in a moment."

"Take your bloody time, I have as long as I need!" Linda shouted, pointing to the lava rising slowly up the table's legs.

"Jeez, cut the sass, you're not the one with someone's life in your hands!"

"People die every day in this house!"

The DM shrieked into the microphone like a pterodactyl and the intercom cut off. Linda sighed and sat down on the table, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She was not going to survive this.

A pair of slippers appeared on the table and the intercom came on again. Linda picked up the slippers.

"Lava-proof, waterproof and grant the ability to talk to the eldritch abominations! Yours now for only-"

Linda held them in the air.

"George, we were only supposed to show a-" They groaned- "whatever. Yours now for zero money dollars and zero cents."

Linda inspected the slippers. They were fluffy and...woolly. She turned them over and looked at the sole.

100% authentic sheep's wool.

"Oh! Oh yeah, right. I asked Placeholder Name, and they said we can only save you if you stop being a vegan, so-"

Linda threw the slippers across the kitchen, switched on her phone, sent off the message she had typed, threw the phone, landing it perfectly in the slippers, and- hell, may as well make it more dramatic – jumped straight into the lava.

"Born a vegan, dying a vegan?" Lily read. "What the heck?"

Spencer bit into a brownie and shrugged. Somehow he still had brownies left, despite having not touched the oven in the past six days, and eating brownies at a rate of about three a day.

"Oh wait, there's more." Lily read through the long, long message that Linda had written, skipping through half of it and still understanding the general idea. It was more like a biography in the form of a suicide note. Some of it was like a long, overdescriptive novel, dragging on way longer than it needed to. You know the ones. "Long story short she killed herself because if she doesn't do it now, she's going to die anyway." Lily switched off her phone and tossed it on the bed. "Seems fair."