Lola Bradley - Sidemen FF

29.

"It's not been the same since you left" Josh sighed, taking a sip from his large glass of expensive red wine that he insisted we ordered seeing as it was a 'special occasion'. "Shouldn't have kicked me out then" I mumbled, the anger and sadness I had tried so hard to repress this last year coming flooding back as I avoided the boys tear glazed eyes. "Lola you left, we didn't kick you out" he said softly, biting his lip, "Can we just move on" I groaned, not wanting to go too far into my troubled past and relive those horrifying memories again. "Sure, tell me what you have been doing this last year?" He replied happily, clearly thankful for me changing the subject to something he imagined would be more cheery.

I debated telling him everything, how the only way I got a place to stay the night in the beginning few weeks was from hooking up with random guys, how one time a one night stand quickly blossomed into what started as a beautiful relationship, filled with romance and laughter. How it quickly turned toxic when his brother got into a fatal car accident and lost his life, and how he took his anger and used me as a human punch bag. I imagined the apologetic and disbelieving look washing over his face, tears streaming from his bloodshot eyes as he begged for me to forgive him for letting me leave, to go and move back in with him so things went back to the way they were, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. The thing is once you live with abuse every day of your life, the thought of purposely hurting other becomes impossible.

"Well, um stayed in a hotel for a while, got a job, met a lovely guy, quickly moved in together, and yeah it's been great ever since" I said enthusiastically, immediately seeing the guilt wash from his features as a large grin spread across his face. "At least something good came from this whole mess then" he replied happily, as I took a long swig from my wine glass, trying to mask my ashamed expression from him. "What about you though? How is everyone?" I asked, quickly changing the conversation before I had to fabricate anymore lies. "Well I don't know if you heard when we came into your work earlier, but we have published our own book!" He replied proudly, rummaging around in his rucksack before handing me a copy. "Wow that's amazing Josh!" I cheered genuinely, happy that at least one of the Bradley siblings was successful. "Thanks Lo! Apart from that, I'm doing well, me and Freya are beyond amazing right now and the channel is going great. The rest of the guys are doing equally as well, Harry and Ethan's relationships with Katie and Emily still going strong! Viks channel is popping off right now because his new 'how to mincecraft' series, and Tobi is recording with the gang a lot more which is always good! Plus JJ is in the middle of a new EP which is probably his best one yet." Josh explained, smiling like the proud Father he is as he described everyone's success. I felt a small pang of jealousy, wishing that maybe one day I could be genuinely happy like the guys were, but deep down knowing that day would never come.

"What about Simon?" I asked once we finished eating, reflecting back on everything Josh has told me over dinner. "Oh god I don't think I've mentioned him once yet!" He chuckled, pulling out his phone and showing me a picture of the tall, silver haired boy standing next to an overly attractive girl, who's long blonde locks flowed effortlessly over her petite shoulders, perfectly framing her beautiful face. "Wow, She's fit" I said in awe, hiding the sadness I felt rising inside of me behind a small smile. "Her names Becca. She met Simon at a small cafe in London and they became inseparable ever since. They remind me of when me and Frey first fell in love, all romantic and cutesy when they are together" he explained happily, unaware he was crushing my heart into a million pieces. I didn't know Simon for long, but he was the first boy I let tear down my walls, he showed me how to love and feel genuine happiness.

"Hey Lo, I have like sixty missed calls from the number you called before" Josh said worriedly as we stepped from the warm restaurant into the cool London air. "Fuck" I repeatedly muttered as I grabbed the phone from him and held it anxiously to my ear, "where are you" he growled, clearly heavily intoxicated and in one of his especially aggressive moods. "I'm just leaving work now" I replied shakily, walking a few steps away from Josh so he couldn't listen in, "no you're not, I'm standing outside of it now because I knew you were a lying whore." He spat, making my heart pound in my chest. "I'm sorry, I went to get you some drinks as a surprise" I lied, hoping it was enough to calm his rage until I got home. "You better be home in the next twenty minutes or else" he shouted sternly, immediately hanging up the phone. "Um sorry, he was just worried about where I got to seeing as it's kind of late" I stuttered, handing him his phone back and quickly hugging him goodbye. "Wait Lola, I don't have your number, your address or anything. How am I gonna get in contact with you?" He asked, jogging to catch up as I quickened pace, knowing the punishments would be deadly if I wasn't home soon. "My boyfriend has your number now, I'll call you soon. Just please whatever you do don't call his number ok?" I replied in fear, not realising until now how bad it would be if he answered his phone to Josh asking to speak to me. "Lola if something bad is happening between the two of you please tell me and we can sort it out" he said sadly, taking a grip of my bruised arm, making me squeal quietly. "Josh what are you trying to suggest? That my boyfriend is no good for me? At least he gave me somewhere to live, and hadn't tried to get rid of me unlike you! What happens in my personal life is none of your business Josh. Stay out of it" I yelled, immediately feeling extremely guilty for snapping like that, but knowing it was the only way to stop him from asking questions. "Please call me" he cried, wiping a stray tear from his face, "I left for a reason Josh. I don't want to try and rebuild a relationship we lost seven years ago" I added, turning around and walking away, the last thing I saw was the sadness and hurt in his watering eyes as I lied straight to his face.