Moments of Impact H.S. A.U.

5.

"Hello," I say answering my phone although the unknown caller does make me kind of suspicious and for a moment, I was contemplating whether or not I should answer the ring.

"Leah Rose Davis?" A man ask, and I can't help but wonder who this is and how he knows my entire name. In a matter of fact I'm surprised. Practically no one ever uses my full name.

"Yes, this is she," I say looking at my freshly painted nails realising I messed up one finger. Why does this always happen?

"Hello, you are talking to Harry Styles from SIG," he lets me know, and I wonder what company he's from. I don't recall this company. And then it clicks. I remember Mrs Martin talking about someone named Harry Styles which only adds to my confusion. I blew that job interview. Why would he be calling me?

"The reason, I'm calling is because I'd like you to come into my office. Would Monday fit you?"

"What?" I say instantly. Am I hearing him correctly?

"I asked if Monday would fit with you," he repeats himself as if I didn't hear him the first time. I'm just confused that's all.

"Yeah, yeah," I speak out.

"Let's say 1 o'clock then."

"Sure," I reply.

"Perfect. I'll send you a confirmation email. But you should know the address already. I'll see you then miss Davis," he says.

"Yeah, see ya," I say and quickly hang up. What the hell just happened? Did I just get a job? No that can be it. But if that's not the case I'm all the more confused as to why he would want me to come back. Mrs Martin practically rubbed it in my face that I didn't fit in, there's no way I'll get hired.

A message pops up on my phone and I'm surprised to see Hugh's name on the screen. I still haven't seen him since Adam's birthday. Yesterday, I sent him a couple of photos from our night out that we took with my phone, and although he did reply that he thought they were cute, nothing else happened from there until now. Why am I doing this to myself. Let it go.

Are you free tonight?

That's all there is to the message, and I reply with a simple: yes. Hopefully, I don't seem too desperate. Perhaps it would have been better if I had waited to reply.

Can I take you out?

His message surprises me, and I instantly feel my heartbeat increase, although I don't like to admit it. I don't want him to have this power over me, but I suppose everyone likes attention. Especially when it's from someone they could find themselves falling for eventually. I have never been asked on a date before which makes this all the more exciting.

Yeah. I reply not caring about playing hard to get. If I'm playing too hard to get, he might give up realising I'm not worth it, and I don't want to pretend I haven't seen his message.

And then you can sleep at my place. He writes taking me off guard. Another message pops up right after. And we can snuggle. He rings me through messenger, but I no longer want to talk to him. Why did he have to blow it? I huff to myself. Right, because that's all guys ever want. I'm not stupid enough to think he just wants to sleep next to me. He wants more than that, and I'm not that kind of girl.

I'm sure you want more than that to happen, and I don't do one night stands. I inform him.

Okay.

Omg is he serious right now. I'm really glad I didn't just go there. I'm sure he would have used me. He'll probably go out tonight and then he'll bring another girl home, and tomorrow it'll be someone new. Not that I care, I'm just glad I haven't given him anymore of myself. Why is it that I always find guys who just wants me for sex? Is it really that hard to find a decent guy who actually appreciates me for who I am? It seems so, and I leave my phone in the kitchen and head for the living room. I really hope I don't ever have to see him again.

I hop down on the sofa and snuggle my legs up under me. When did my life become like this, I wonder to myself thinking that I'll never find someone. I know that if I write Maddie she'll say that I should just go enjoy myself and get laid. But I don't want to get laid, that's not the point of it. If it was, it wouldn't be that hard. I don't want to just have a night of fun. If that was the case, I'd go do something with my girlfriends. I want something more, something real. Is that really too much to ask? I want someone to hold me during the night just because he wants to. I want someone to kiss me just because he can. And I want someone to cuddle me for no particular reason but to feel me close to him. If that's selfish I don't care, it shouldn't be too much to ask of someone. I don't want to be with someone who only sees me for my body.

Staring at my watch, I realise that I have less than an hour before I need to go to work. I honestly don't want to go, but as far as I know this day can't get any worse. Hugh has definitely ruined my mood although, I'm not even sure why. He is nothing to me, but apparently the idea of him did stir something inside of me even if I didn't want to admit that to myself. At times, I feel like a lost puppy or a insecure teenager and then I realise that I'm not. Things don't matter to me the same way they used to, and my skin is definitely thicker than it used to be. Yet at times, it seems that life was easier then. It was less troubled somehow. It contained too much drama back then for no particular reason, and I got all worked up over nothing. Yet, knowing what I know now, it wasn't so bad although it sure felt like it at the time. You went to school and you went home. You had your parents to look after you. They would provide the things you needed and you didn't have to think about buying toilet paper or food for dinner. You didn't have to think about the bills that came with the mail and all you really had to worry about was the big pimple that had appeared overnight. I'm glad I'm not overdramatising over something like that any longer, yet I'd give anything to go back for just a day. At least I'd like to tell my young self that things get better and that a break up isn't the end of the world even if it surely did feel like it. Yet I still have a problem of letting myself go there, I'm afraid I'll get hurt.