Out Of My League

Boi, Here I Come

The party was in 3 hours.

And I had nothing to wear.

Well, not literally. I mean I had a huge ass closet with tons of shit in it but I didn't know what to wear. I usually went for the tightest, shortest, sluttiest, leave-nothing-to-your-imagination type of dress but tonight I wasn't feeling it all. I just wanted to put on sweats and go back to sleep. I was having another one of my crisis where I just wish someone would hold me while I cried my guts out but like that would ever happen.

I picked out another dress which probably cost more than Ms Beckford's salary. It was a black skin tight dress with a plunging neckline. It looked like a sexy-but-I-can't-breathe dress which is exactly what the bitches at school needed to see. I mean after all, Isabelle Torres ALWAYS wears an attention seeking dress.

The dress hugged me perfectly. Amber would probably make some snarky comment about my appearance but what's new. All I needed to do was show up, stand by aiden's side, have a couple drinks, fake laugh and boom I can go home.

I started beating my face with foundation. I did my makeup everyday so I was done applying everything in 15 minutes tops.

I looked good.

If only Xavier thought that too.

I made sure everything was locked before I drove to the stupid party. I sat outside the house and texted Aiden and told him to meet me in 10 mins because I wanted to look for Xavier before I had to lock lips with my so called perfect match, Aiden.

I could see that the party was already in full motion as I parked my car at the end of the street, but could still hear the music blasting all the way here. I dreaded walking up the steps but I had to do it because it's not like Isabelle Torres to miss a party. I stood outside the door for a minute and then put on a fake smile and knocked.

Boi, here I come.

After showcasing many fake smiles and flirty giggles, downing a couple shots, grinding with random horny boys, subtly checking every room for my dear not so real boyfriend Xavier, I stumbled right in front of Aiden. He was surrounded by his jock friends. I shot them all a flirty smile. Aiden was wearing a grey shirt and his dark blue signature jeans with a letterman jacket.

Typical Aiden outfit.

I knew I told him 10 minutes but I avoided finding him for like an hour so I guess he was pretty mad. I had to think quickly for an excuse because I didn't want to argue with everyone at the lunch table over this stupid issue on Monday.

"Oh my god Aideeen! I have been looking for you for over an hour now. Like this was such a waste of my time. I'm soo annoyed with you right now," I dragg out in an accusing tone.

He flashed his friends a smirk before he pulling me close and whispering in a dark tone.

"Don't fucking play with me Izzy. I know you kept me waiting on purpose."

He uses this tone on me so often that it doesn't faze me at all. I quickly shut him up by telling him I had to set a bitch straight for talking shit, and then started to make out with him. And this is basically our relationship in a nutshell.

There was once a time when I used to get butterflies just by standing near Aidan. Now even sex felt boring with him. Everything was so predictable about him.

I needed a change.

I needed Xavier.

Too bad I was busy making out with a person I didn't like even in the slightest.

The rest of the party ways a blur. I had more shots while Aiden kept nagging me about sex. I met up with the rest of the populars which was the same as always: Yell 'OMG HII GORGEOUS' in a high pitched voice, complement each other, giggle, talk shit, have more shots, dance, and then the rest is all blurry.

To the rest, I looked like I was having the time of my life when in reality, it was the complete opposite.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and went upstairs to head to the roof, knowing the exact location as this house was often used for hosting parties. When I finally arrived, I went ahead and took off my heels and sat down.

It was cold.

I pulled my legs closer to my body but it didn't bring any comfort. I just slowly sipped my vodka and just looked nowhere in particular. I started to feel numb because my excuse of a dress was basically see through but I didn't mind.

I liked feeling numb. It reminded me of how much I deserved in the world.

I didn't deserve happiness. I hurt a lot of people emotionally. I ruined relationships.

I was a bitch.

I was a slut.

I was heartless.

I was stupid. I was rude to everyone. I didn't care about anything.

I started feeling depressed all over again. It happened a lot when I isolated myself. I reflected a lot about myself and truly felt bad but change wasn't an option because truthfully, everyone liked the gossip that was surrounding me. And I already knew that no one would support me changing my ways. I chose this life, that's why.

A tear slid down my cheek.

No. I can't cry right now.

I quickly wiped it and went back to drinking. After a while, I checked what time it was and decided to walk home since none of my friends knew where I was either way and also they're probably too drunk to drive anyways. I got up too fast and almost lost my balance. I stood straighter and contemplated what would happen if I jumped.

Slowly, I got a closer to edge but a thought stopped me.

So I just stood there.

I don't know for how long, but I just stood there and,

Smiled