Have We Met Before? [ģxğ]

23 - always pass visiting hours

Lexa's POV

"Hey..... clarke... its me again."
Saying coming into her hospital room.

I made my way to the side of her bed.
My heartalways raced faster each time i visit. Praying shes her again.

"I brought you some flowers, and your favorite cheesecake..."
I said as though my voice felt dry.

Her blonde hair seemed brighter when the sun shines on it. It was
so golden.
So perfect.
And she doesnt even know it.

"The staff here are getting irritated of me. Because i come here at 6am and leave very late.... Pass visiting hours most of the time. They always wish to kick me out. I hope you dont mind having me here tho."

"You were fine exactly 3 montjs ago. By the way... Octaiva is running the company because i let her too.... its my job since your out. But i cant. Also Anya and luna is still on the serch for Nia. And Octavia has big news.... i cant say because im sure shed wanna tell you herself. Clarke....... it truly pains me to see you this way. I-.... the day i met you when we had that car accident-"

I paused as my eyes began to water.

"I...i never thpught ud end up caring about you this much. I should have said sorry. Instead i acted like a bitch. Im sorry... and sorry for all the times was so rude. You deserve none of my bad luck. Im deeply sorry. Please clarke. I need you to hear me out. Please forgive me... because i do... care.. clarke. I really do care... just come back... to me-"

My eyes flooded with broken hearted tears. It streamed down my face.

I felt like i was drowing....
Even though im miles away from the ocean. I felt like im drowning.

I ran to the bathroom connected to clarkes room. And got my breathing under control.

"Breath lexa"
I sigh

"Be strong for yourself and mostly for clarke. Hold on the way clarke is holding on"

Just....breath.
If not for yourself. Do it for her.

Pain....

I thought to myself....

Pain....

Pain....

Pain....

It repeated over and over again...

Its all life ever gave me.
First, my father turned into a monster
Second, i lost my mother and sister
Third, i had to grow uo learning that life is nothing but pain.

When i got to know clarke.
I knew ot was wayyyyy.
Way too fucking good to be true.

My life has always been crap.

She lived like a royal....

How could she be involved in me of i attact nothing but crap.
Clarke isnt at all crap.
Shes perfection.
Shes everything ive ever wished for.
I just never thought id have my wish...

Then i blink my eyes and shes gone.

Shes fucking GONE....
I slowly began to believe myself.
And everyone basically.

Again... P A I N

"What is pain?" I asked slowly as i stared at my own eyes reflection fron the mirror.

"Pain is when have to beg...
beg myself to hold on and be strong even when burning tears fell from my eyes that seen the world to be so damn crul and still.... im here standing. Crying. Hell! Im begging myself to not give up!"
I said in frustration.

After gathering my emotions.
And cleaning up myself so no one notice i even cried.

I lay my head on clarkes bed side. As i sat on the same chair. Holding her left hand.

And fell asleep hoping id see her in my dreams. I rearly sleep. Mostly since the bombing. But when i do.
Id see clarke. We are usually back at that hidden beach we went to.

Out of the city.

Closer to her mansion.

Away from our regular lives.

She had a soft smile on her face.
She was glowing just like every time i see her.

Her eyes.....

Its the eyes that makes me lost for words. How they kept the fire in lit In me... the best way.

Her hands felt soft.
I remained like this for i cant even remember.

Clarke is someome
worth fighting for.
Worth the time.
Worth more then the weight of gold and diamond's and everything combined.

I care.... she doesnt know how much.
The world think i dont at all.
But i do. I really do.

"Wake up with me clarke"
I cried in my sleep.