Not Another Diva

1 - Testosterone Showdown

On The Loose // Niall Horan

"That you?" Jacob calls from the kitchen the second I step through the door. He's always in the kitchen, his favorite room in the apartment. I often wonder how Jacob stays as fit as he is, always eating and hardly ever working out. It takes me hours in the gym each week to stay in top shape.

"Who else would it be? You got another roommate I don't know about?" My voice carries through the place. It's pretty small, and literally all either of us could afford. After today's audition, I'm not holding my breath for extra income anytime soon. The phrase, 'starving artist', is no figure of speech. Some months we can barely afford cereal. You wouldn't know it from the way Jacob's always stuffing his face, however.

Jacob makes a fake laughing sound, "Hardy-har-har, your wit astounds me, dude. How'd this one go?"

"The usual. A room full of guys who practically look identical, each of us sizing up our odds against the rest." I walk past Jacob and make a direct line to the fridge. I grab a cold energy drink and let it flow down my throat. Swallowing and wiping my mouth at the same time, I picture the fifteen or so guys, all in our early twenties, muscular and athletic, a basic testosterone show down. God what a nightmare auditions can be. The only difference between us is hair color. My dark brown waves stand out among the sun bleached blondes that L.A. is famous for. You'd think I'd have an advantage with that difference, but it hasn't paid off yet.

"Some kind of commercial, right?" Jacob asks, mouth full of day old pizza.

"Nah, music video for some pop star."

Jacob chokes on the pizza. "Music video? Can you even dance?" He laughs with his mouth now half full.

I shake my head, "Nope, can't keep a beat to save my life. The roll is for a love interest. Basically a make out scene from what they told me. All we had to do was give the camera a smirk. Took about thirty seconds but I still sat in that damn room for two hours." I'm not expecting a call back on this job, not that I've had a call back on any job I've auditioned for.

"Well, it's a good thing you've got other skills to fall back on. You could have to clear plates of the rich and famous for a living. Bussing tables at the most famous sushi restaurant in Hollywood may sound glamorous, but it's disgusting. Trust me."

"Yeah, well teaching little kids karate isn't very safe. Do you have any idea how many times I've been kicked in the balls? You don't wear a cup in a Gi. And having a black belt doesn't help protect that situation at all. If I didn't have the reflexes I do, it would have been double the nut crunches. I'll be lucky to be able to have kids someday."

Jacob just laughs. "Looks like both our jobs suck. I need to amp up my auditions if I want things to change."

I nod, not exactly feeling the same. I'd rather just go home to my family's ranch and forget about the whole Hollywood thing. I barely remember why I came out here in the first place. Nothing has worked out like I thought. I open the cabinet and take out a bag of almonds. Grabbing a handful and popping a couple in my mouth, I turn to leave the kitchen.

"How do you always eat so healthy?" Jacob calls after me. "I'm here scarfing cold pizza and you've got zero body fat."

"It's a choice. I'm gonna go to the gym, you can join me if you want to sweat out all the grease you just consumed." I continue down the hall to my room, not waiting for the excuse Jacob will give this time. His metabolism will catch up with his diet eventually and then he'll have problems. Love handle problems. And cholesterol.

"Can't!" Jacob yells, obviously still in the kitchen. "Gotta go to work and scrape raw fish off of John Legend's dinner plate!"

I laugh, "Guess that means you'll be scraping Chrissy's too." I shake my head, packing my gym bag with a towel and my shoes. I need to work off the excess energy I have after the male cattle call. That stuff always leaves me in a mood. And with a freaking pounding headache.