Bella salvatore

Failing for control

**trigger warning**

I woke up to a lady tapping my shoulder. I shot up from my chair and started hyperventilating. "Ma'am, calm down. You are fine!" The lady said wide eyed from my reaction. I tried to stop but I couldn't. I started to get dizzy and black spots took over my vision as I went limp onto the plane chair.
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I woke up in a hospital with an iv stuck in my arm. "Shit!" I whispered, as I tried to remember what happened.

I started to tear up after remembering what had happen, I fought with Damon, I got raped in the woods by my first love, had a bad dream of the rape, then had a panic attack. I ripped out all the tubes from by body and sat up. I started to look around the hospital room, which was unsurprisingly white.
I saw my clothes next to my bed and grabbed them. I turned to look for a bathroom and when I spotted it I ran into the room then got changed.
When I finished I used my vampire speed to race towards a window and break it.

After running for a couple hours I reached a meadow. I sat down for a while just thinking about my life and what had happened. I pulled my knees to my chest slowly, as my breathes got shorter and harder. I closed my eyes trying to calm myself from freaking out. I had a urge to scratch my wrists, so I held my wrist to prevent myself from damaging myself more than I already had. Even as a vampire I wasn't perfect. But every other vampire was. Why couldn't I be like everyone else.
My vision went blurry with tears as I continued to try and block out the demons inside my head.
I heard noises from the woods, so I stood up as fast as I could and started looking around. I profusely started to wipe the tears from my eyes so I could see. "Come out!" I yelled out with a scratchy voice. I heard footsteps from behind me so I turned around and saw Edward walking from the woods.

"Stay back!" I warned him growling. He seemed to ignore me and continued my way. "Edward, don't go close to me." I warned again, letting some emotions seep into my voice. "I'm sorry." He whispered. I laughed, a crazy laugh. He looked at my like I was insane to which I probably was. I was crying two seconds ago. "Really I am. I don't know what went over me. I just saw you by yourself-" he started but I interrupted him. " sorry isn't going to cut it. There is no excuse that  I will believe that will get you out of how much I despise you. You deserve to die for it. But that would be too easy. I should torture you. Maybe starve you?" I don't know what came over me but a walked until I was a foot away from him. He looked as if he was hiding his fear. I grabbed his hand and ripped a finger off and threw it somewhere. He yelled in pain so I did it again. By this time I was scared of myself. I couldn't control what I was doing. He continued to scream in pain as I ripped all ten fingers out of his hand. Then I ripped his arms out.  "I'm sorry!" I said sarcastically. When he fell to the ground. "Please stop!" He yelled out as I stomped on his foot, somehow removing it from his leg. "Sounds familiar, but did you stop?" I growled out as I did the same to his other foot. "Please!" He yelled out. "Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop you from making another mistake!" I growled out smirking when I saw his confused face. I squatted so I was strattling his waist and put my hands on the sides of his face and ripped his head off. I dropped his head and stared at my hands in shock. I killed him. I tortured him. He didn't deserve that much of a punishment. I fell to my knees in guilt.
I stayed in that position for at least an hour when I heard Damon call my name out. I looked up with guilty eyes while he looked At Edwards body parts. "What did you do?" He breathed out in shock.

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Hey guys sorry for the trigger chapter. Also sorry for not updating at all for this book. I just don't feel motivated with this cause I don't know where it is going. I kind of want to end it in a couple chapters but I'm not sure. I have two endings that I'm deciding on but the one I'm leaning on isn't going to make you guys happy.
I kinda want to make another book for werewolves and that ish. But would you read it? I'm going to try and update more on that book cause I'll think about where it's going before I start it and be more motivated. As when I see this book and see me being a horrible person for not updating. Then I get stressed and don't write.
I might end this book soon
So sorry
Hailey