What You're Not | ✔

08. Sweaty Palms

After the talk Mom and I had the other night, I wanted to do something that proved I wasn't anything like my father.

He became angry at the world, pushed everyone away and hid out in dark bars. I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want Mom to have to deal with another person she loved turning into some kind of monster.

I'd been taking baby steps with my plan. Saying yes to small activities, but not fully immersing myself into this new school and my new group of friends.

That day I planned to change that by doing something that terrified me.

"You designed this?" The Twins asked.

"Yeah." I nodded, wiping my clammy hands on my jeans. "When you were talking about needing new uniforms, I felt inspired."

There was silence as they looked over the design. It was nerve racking not being able to tell how they felt about them. Their expressions mirrored extreme focus or maybe extreme dislike. I couldn't tell.

"You mind if we show these to the other girls?" Kimber questioned, looking up at me.

"And Coach Sanders. We'll need her approval," Jem added.

"Wait, so, you like them?" They hadn't given me their opinions on the sketches yet and it was making me anxious.

"Duh!" they said, both of them giggling.

"They're really good, Loren," Kimber assured me.

"Thanks," I smiled, finally allowing myself to breathe.

"And we might actually get some attention in these. So, that's a plus," Jem chimed in.

It went a lot better than I had expected. I was feeling less tense about the whole thing now that the worst part was out of the way.

We went to the cafeteria, finding Chelsea and Riley at the usual table. They were discussing Halloween costumes when we sat down. Apparently, they both wanted to dress up as Wonder Woman, but didn't want to twin.

"Can we pause the costume dilemma for a minute? We have something more important to talk about," Jem said, grabbing their attention.

"What's more important than finding a costume when Halloween is, like, two weeks away?" Chelsea questioned.

"This." Kimber placed my design in front of them.

"What is this?" Riley asked, picking up the sketch before Chelsea could get her hands on it.

"Designs for new cheer uniforms," Jem informed them.

"These are actually really good," Riley approved. "Who made them?"

"Loren," The Twins replied.

"Well, we appreciate your efforts, but Coach Sanders is not going to approve these," Chelsea stated as if it were a fact.

Riley handed the sketch to me. "She's right. Coach is a prude and skirts that show our knees are too risqué."

"Sanders is just mad because her knees look like Shrek's face," Chelsea laughed.

"Hey, no girl-on-girl violence, OK?" Kimber warned. To me she said, "Our current uniforms aren't that bad. They're just..."

"Boring," Jem finished. "Let's show these to coach. Maybe she'll actually like them."

"I have a better idea." The four of them turned to me, wait for me to voice my idea. "What if we made a sample of the uniform first and then revealed it to Coach Sanders. Seeing it in 3-D might sway her to say yes."