What You're Not | ✔

36. The Truth

It had been ten minutes since I ran out of the festival. Ten minutes I'd been wandering around in the cold November air going God knows where. But I was away from the festival and that was all I wanted.

I continued walking down the street, brushing past a family who had also left the festival, evident by the souvenirs they held. Unlike me they weren't running from something. They had smiles on their faces as they recapped the day.

The sinking feeling in my chest only got worse thinking about how I left Nikki just standing there confused. And my mom, she's probably on stage right now wondering why I wasn't in the crowd.

Why was I like this? Why couldn't I face things like a normal person? I swallowed the lump in my throat, refusing to let myself cry while walking aimlessly down a dark street.

My phone rang for the fifth time since I ran off. I pulled it from my pocket expecting it to be Nikki. My heart paused as I stared down at the name that flashed across the screen. It was Miles.

He's probably getting tired of me being 'skittish'. I hated myself for always choosing to run. Not enough to stop doing it, though.

The ringing stopped. A few seconds later a text popped up.

Miles:
Hey, Usain, practicing for your next race?

A laugh passed through my lips against my will. All I wanted to do was crawl up into a ball and cry, but he managed to delay the impending tears.

Miles:
Where are you? I'll come get you
You don't even have to talk to me

Those were the magic words. Anyone else would bug me to talk. Miles understood, though. Breaking my silent streak I told him what street corner I was on and waited. Minutes later he pulled up to the curb and I climbed into the passenger seat.

"Where to?" he asked as he pulled away from the curb.

"Anywhere but home."

A smile appeared on his face. "I know the perfect spot."

Soon we were pulling into the parking lot of Slam! My brow knitted together as I glanced over at him.

"You still owe me a re-match," he said.

A grin spread across my lips as we got out of the car. He got me. He understood that not everything needed to be a discussion. He understood the importance of a distraction.

If I had stayed with Nikki I would've been hit with a million questions. I'm sure once I got home I'd still be interrogated by both her and Mom.

That didn't matter as Miles draped his arm over my shoulders and we walked across the lot into the club.

It wasn't as packed as it was the last time we were here. There were only small groups of people scattered around the sitting area and talking. The dance floor was practically abandoned.

"Just so you know," he said as we made our way up the stairs to the game room. "I'm not going easy on you like last time."

I held back a laugh. "Really?"

"Really," he confirmed, nodding. "Don't expect any favors tonight."

When we made it to the air hockey table I turned to him, gently tugging at his hoodie to pull him down into a kiss.

His brow raised at me questioningly.

"That's to say thank you," I told him. Then with a smirk I added, "I also wanted to get a kiss in before you lose and start crying like a baby."

He threw his head back in laughter. "Not happening, Mermaid."

+ + +

My bladder was going to burst at any moment. I couldn't pretend to be asleep and prolong the inevitable any longer.

When I got home last night, Mom was waiting up for me. Nikki, thankfully, had fallen asleep. I had just made it home a few minutes after curfew. Mom had been lenient with me since I started to branch out more, but I could tell her patience was wearing thin. She could only excuse my mood changes and disregard of basic house rules for so long.

She didn't bother me with questions like I thought she would. She must've been tired as well. I'm sure I'll be getting a mouth full at some point.

Groaning, I rolled out of bed, slipped on my fuzzy red slippers and ventured out into the hallway. The house was quiet, but I knew Mom and Nikki were lurking around somewhere.

As soon as my butt came in contact with the cold, porcelain seat someone was pounding on the door.

"Lo, we need to talk."

"I'm kinda busy, Nikki!" I barked back.

She didn't say anything else and I didn't hear her walk away which meant she was out there waiting. Not only was I about to be questioned for an explanation I didn't want to give, but I also got my period. Could this day get any worse?

"Aunt Dana is at work," Nikki said once I emerged from the bathroom. "So, you're free to talk."

"What if I don't want to?" I grumbled, walked past her and down the stairs. I was starving and craving something sweet.

"Please tell me Tasha was lying," she pleaded, following behind me. "Tasha lied and you ran off because...because you left the oven on or something."

I remained silent as I searched the pantry for something to munch on. Nothing called out to me.

"Lo?" The soft, calm sound of her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. I hated when people talked to me like that. Like I was so fragile that if they spoke any louder, I'd shatter.

"She didn't lie," I said, moving my search for food to the fridge.

"Then why did you?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, slamming the fridge shut. My appetite was suddenly gone. "My stomach hurts, my backs sore, I'm going to bed."

My attempt to get to my room was blocked by a relentless Nikki. With her bonnet on, her hands planted on her hips and the expectant look on her face she reminded me of my mom after catching me in a lie when I was younger. All that was missing was my father's belt.

"Four years," she said, following my every move so that I couldn't pass. "That's how long I've felt bad for you because I thought you had to go to school everyday with people who hated you."

That was news to me. I had no idea that she felt that way. A wave of guilt washed over me and my throat tightened.

"Why did you lie?" She asked again. "Was anything you said happened that night true?"

Most of it was true. Tasha did say that I should've said something to keep my father from driving, but she didn't blame me for the accident. None of them did. I was the one that said it was my fault, they tried to convince me that it wasn't.

They were being nice and supportive and understanding when all I could think about were all the things I could've done to prevent the accident happening.

That's what made me so angry. That's what made take the first swing. I wanted them to hate me as much as I hated myself in that moment. Still, after the incident they were nice to me. It took a few months of ignored phone calls and avoiding them at school for my message to get through to them. In the years that followed I had convinced myself that they really did hate me.

I told my cousin everything as she held me hostage in the kitchen. My face was wet with tears, but I wasn't sad. It was a relief to have the truth out in the open.

After the confession and the crying Nikki allowed me to pass, not pressing the issue any further. Once I was in my room, I threw myself on the bed, burying myself under the covers. And that's where I spent the rest of my Sunday.