What You're Not | ✔

14. Regret Hangover

The next morning, I woke up with the view of Jailynn, Jackie's youngest daughter, staring at me with her big, brown eyes.

I sat up, slightly startled and the three year old ran out of the living room.

Tossing the covers off me, I got up from the couch to go to the bathroom. The events of last night were still fresh in my mind as I sluggishly went through my morning routine.

Jerrell and I kissed. No. Jerrell and I had a full on make-out session on his back porch. It was a bad decision. In the light of day, I realized that now. But last night, it seemed like the only sensible thing to do.

The way he looked at me reminded me of when I was thirteen and we dated. He had this way of making me feel wanted and special. I hadn't felt that feeling in forever and I just had to dive into it. Suck up every last bit of it before it was gone again.

It was a new day and I had what I could only describe as a regret hangover. Complete with a throbbing headache.

"One sip." Nikki was standing outside of the bathroom when I came out. Her hands were planted on her hips, making her look like a disappointed mother.

I pushed past her, going into her room where my overnight bag was. I needed to shower and brush my teeth. I just needed to get every inch of last night off of me.

"You had one sip of alcohol and you throw yourself at Jerrell? Jerrell. Out of all the guys at that party. I was supposed to be the drunken idiot last night." Nikki said, once she closed the door behind her. "I couldn't even get with Daddy Smurf because you was acting a fool."

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Where's my phone?" I asked, patting myself down.

I was still in last night's clothes because as soon as I got back to Nikki's I wanted to sleep and forget any of this ever happened.

"Behind you," she said, pointing to her dresser. "And someone has been blowing it up."

When I picked up my phone there were five messages waiting for me. Three were from Jerrell (when did I even give him my number?), and two were from Miles. A weird feeling filled my gut as I stared down at the notifications. My past and present weren't supposed to exist in the same realm. Yet, there they were. Two boys who represented vastly different parts of my life coming together in my text messages.

I didn't want to talk about last night. I didn't want to talk at all, so I didn't. Nikki looked dumbfounded as I left the room without saying a thing to her. In the privacy of the bathroom, I turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up.

The warm water seemed to wash away what happened last night layer by layer. But no amount of water or soap could reach the deepest layer. The layer I kept buried inside. The layer that kept threatening to reveal itself.

It almost revealed itself last night. All those old memories coming up almost uprooted the other stuff. The bad stuff.

I needed more soap.

+ + +

"Hey, Mom," I said once she answered the phone. "What are you doing?"

There was some shuffling in the background before she spoke. "Just, uh, resting my shoulder."

"Liar."

She simply laughed at that. "Did you have fun with at the party?"

I knew she was eventually going to ask that, but it still caught me off guard. Were her mom-senses tingling last night? Did she know that her daughter mad out with a boy she hadn't spoken to in years?