night toughts

alone

Sometimes i just feel like i need to do things.

I feel like i have no life and no friends. I feel like i am all alone in this world and i can not do anything.

I feel like i am useless.

And i am not having depression. I am just a normal girl with normal feelings. And people usually do not really understand these things. They think that if i have toughts like that, i am a depressed little teenager, and i need medicine and all these stuff. No i do not.

I need people.

I need friends who are not fake. I need those kinds of friends who are actually friends. Not these fake bitches who do not even care about me. They like all my instagram photos and they comment hearts, but it does not mean that they like me in real life. That is very different. Those are not friends. And this is what i am so sick of. This is why i feel like i am all alone in this big world. And when i look around i see other girls with their real best friends. I see them everywhere. In my school in the city in my street in my instagram page.

And this is so fucking scary. Like, why i get this? What did i do to deserve this? I always were nice to everyone, and even if i have a little weird personality i always tried to be such as good and georgeous as other girls were.

I always tried to be someone else.

Just for these fake friends. How beautifull life is, right?

I have so much fucking toughts in my head and i can not really describe them. It is so difficult. I am feeling stressed, sad, lost and way too lonely. But at the same time i feel angry and i feel like i am not myself. I feel like i am so much worse than people i hate. And this is a very bad feeling. Wors than the most. And the thing is, that i do not know how to change. I am stuck here, and there is no way out. I am in a trap. And i still can not do what i like. I still can not wear that avocado patched socks, i still can not wear those fake glasses, i still can not dye my hair red, i still can not cut my hair, and i still can not do whatever the fuck i like. Still. And still i have toughts in my head but i think the best way is to not think about these, is to sleep. So i am going to sleep.

I hope i'll be able to fall asleep.

Hope.

I have actually none of it.