night toughts

another one

I never really wanted you.

Even if i've always said it.

I think maybe it was because i just couldn't find anyone else besides you. I mean, yeah it sounds so weird, cause i've always said that i love you and stuff.

But it wasn't even love.

It was just that i wanted to have someone. Someone i can adore and someone who i can be in love with. And you were perfect for that. Not like if i hate you now. I still do like you, and i think you are cute, and kinda handsome. But i realized, that we aren't meant for each other. I realized, that you are not the one. And it took me a long time, even if i always knew that there is something.

I always knew that i'm not really in love with you.

But now. I saw him.

He was perfect. He is perfect.

He lowkey looks like you. He has blonde hair. And he has beautifull hands. Like yours. (i'm still so fucking in love with your hands, i know i'm a creep yas)

But like he is just like woah.

I look at him, and i'm like; hell what. He is the most handsome man, i've ever seen. The cutest thing about him is his eyes. I don't know why, but i'm just obsessed with eyes (and hands ofc) He has that beautifull, deep, big brown eyes. It's like a baby deer or some cute puppy. He's just so fucking hot and adorable in the same time. I don't know how he manages that.

But wait.....

The only thing is:

That i've only seen him once.

From like a 5 meter distance. And he doesn't even wanna know who am i. He just doesn't give a damn about me. Like how you did.

Why? Why can't just be someone who really would care about me?

Why? Why can't i have a fucking boyfriend?

WHY?