night toughts

toxic

I didn't want to write another chapter, but maybe it is better this way, cause i can pour all the messy toughts in my head on paper.

(or yeah, not exactly on paper, but never mind)

So i was and i am too afraid to write and publish things about you, because i am so afraid that maybe you'll find out that i have feelings for you. And i know you would think that this is so funny, and you would tease me with this all the time. And of course my 'friends' would hate me, cause they think you are an asshole and they all hate you.

So yeah.

I know we can't be together. I know. And i told myself this like a million times. But still. I tried so hard to vanish these feelings that i have whenever i look at you. I acted like i don't care, i acted like i have nothing to say about you.

For years. For long long years.

But deep inside i've always had that little something that i didn't really know what it actually was. But i know now.

That was love. I fucking love you.

Even if i don't want to. I do.

And this is a horrible thing. I can't do anything with it. I tried to push it down in myself. I tried to forget it. But every time i look into those light blue eyes, this feeling just spreads across my mind and my body. All over me. And this is what i can't controll. And this is hard. It's hard to act like you don't care about someone who you really love with all your heart. From deep down. I know it, cause that something is telling me that. Yes, i tried not to believe it. Like, no it can't be that.

I can't love someone like him. But then, i admitted that you are something i can't deal with. My brain just stops working when i look at you.

Woah, too many tought about you again. I can't even controll my toughts, when they're about you.

Can't you see what you're doing to me?