Luciano

Chapter 26 [PART TWO]

It was an interesting smell. Blood, that was. Three days had past since the town I used to live in was completely wiped out- however the smell of blood was fresh in my mind and as if it were right under my nose.

I sat slightly slumped on the single bed in the crappy little apartment Luciano had brought me to. He insisted I had to live, be happy and see the world.

But just as a I could see the faintest hint of light I was yanked back into dullness and an intense horror that kept repeating itself in my head.

The feeling wasn't new to me- not in the slightest. But now that I had experienced the faintest of emotions, the dreadful feelings now were even more attacking. I felt an ache in my chest as I thought back to Ethan.

The physical pain I felt in my chest was what I could now identify as sorrow. Ethan was the only person- human person, to try to befriend me. To try and occupy my time. To try and offer his company.

And now it hurt. It hurt to realise that the only way I was able to come to the recognition of this was after his death. I was still the same person. Still the same thought process. If anything this proved my point.

What was the point? If we were going to die anyway?

Despite my determined way of thinking I've come to realise it wasn't as simple as that. Because now I wish I could've been different. Maybe done something.

Was this my fault to begin with? Or would Ethan have died anyway?

Suddenly I took in a sharp breath.

The images that have been flashing in my mind every time I closed my eyes and lacing my dreams, slammed its way back into my mind vividly.

All too suddenly my breathing accelerated. I didn't notice until half a minute in that I was breathing hard, almost panting. I snapped out of my deep train of thought and noticed my body was reacting on its own.

Like many things, this was new to me. My body reacted violently and began to shake, my thoughts suddenly becoming indistinguishable.

It was odd. Although I had a dull unwavering mind majority of the time, and despite the slurs in my thoughts; my body did not mimic its state.

I had witnessed similar behaviour a very long time ago. When I was a child. My mother had panic attacks often and my wild guess was I was experiencing one right now.

I struggled to stand, but managed. I shakily headed over to the apartments front door and my hand slumped down and gripped the hand hard before slowly pushing it open.

With my hand still on the handle I managed to step outside into the soft breeze and I close my eyes immediately taking in a deep breath.

I inhaled and exhaled for what felt like hours. But in reality it hadn't been. Once a few minutes had passed by and I opened my eyes and stared ahead. I felt somewhat lightheaded at the heavy breathing, however my body and mind was much more stable now.

This place was loud. This town was loud. A main street was only a few steps down and infront of the apartment we were in.

I gazed dully at the cars that drove by. There was chatter on the street by people standing around.

Some smoking, some on the phone and some walking with their arms looped in each others.

I looked up at the clouds and for a split second I felt a strong sense of nostalgia of the usual grey clouds. The hue outside was dull, as the sun was half way to being fully set.

I glanced behind and back into the apartment. I hadn't stepped outside in the few days that had past. Luciano had rarely been around the last few days. He'd return after two in the morning. I'd be somewhere between spaced out and asleep.