And Then There Was You [h.s]

Chapter Twenty

"you need a night out. It is Friday, after all. Your favorite day."

I absolutely hated to admit this, but Kristen was right. I had spent four days recuperating in my dorm, committing truancy to binge on chips and Netflix. I didn't want to show up to class, or even be on campus for that matter. I knew the moment I even stepped foot in the damn courtyard, the person I had been avoiding would unearth me immediately. Or maybe he wouldn't be looking for me at all. I didn't know which scenario pained me more. "I'm open to suggestions," I faked a grin, something I was so accustomed to doing. "What did you have in mind?"

"There's always Alpha Chi," Kristen said, brushing her hands through her long, leucous hair. "Word on the street is you and Matt are best friends again, heard you stuck up for him in class or something,"

"People are still talking about that?" I faked my concern. Even as we all transitioned into adulthood, us college students were nothing without our adoration for gossip and drama. Being talked about was hardly a problem to me. This worked in my favor; Being talked about, no matter the severity or flattery, was better than not being talked about at all. 

My thirst for rebellion and troublemaking had been put on pause ever since Harry. But he was gone now and, as far as I knew, he was never coming back. And if he was never coming back, then every unstable and defiant quality I ever had could finally resurface. Although there might've been a small part of me that missed Harry, I missed my old self more. I had no room for feelings anymore. He was a mere experience, a taste of what an adult "relationship" would entail. Now that I knew what that was like, there was nothing I appreciated more than my own youth.

"Honey, don't act so surprised. You and Matt were the it-couple last year," Kristen noted. 

"Exactly, last year," I emphasized. 

By now I was well over boys. Their counterparts alone were enough to keep me satisfied. Matt and Harry were two cautionary tales of the damage only emotions could induce. "So, I'll take that as a yes to the party, then?" she asked, tearing me from my thoughts. By the excited look on her face, I could tell there was no point in objecting.

Kristen and I did make it a habit to divide and conquer during parties, but this time I felt uneasy. Mostly because of what happened last time with Matt, but also because of how Harry came to my rescue that same night. There was an unrealistic hope residing within me, anticipating the overdue arrival of Harry. I knew he'd never show, and I presume that's a good thing. I was afraid there was nothing stopping me from running into his arms and apologizing if he did. Even my antipathy for feelings wouldn't be enough to keep me away from him. Deep down, I missed him. But it hurt to admit it. I'd rather repress my feelings than actually feel them. It might not have been the healthiest defense mechanism, but it did prove to be sufficient enough— and that's all I needed.

Boys transitioning into men ogled me, whispering to their friends and taking a gulp of their beer before smirking at me. In college this is was the typical college boy's sincerest form of flattery. Boys were under the assumption that my panties would automatically drop for them as soon as we made eye contact. Talk of me being good in bed and easy to get with made most, if not all college boys, believe that they actually stood a chance. And maybe at one point they did, but Harry had set the bar too high. Any sliver of odds that they may have had then, they certainly did not have now.

"You look like you could use a drink," my beautiful ex boyfriend purred from behind me. I turned on my heel to face him. Tonight would be unpredictable. It was hard to decipher which one would be the predator and which would be the prey. "You're very observant. I shouldn't have let you go," I mused, rolling my eyes in sync with own sarcasm. "Tell me something I don't already fucking know," he chuckled, guiding me to the keg to grab a drink.