And Then There Was You [h.s]

Chapter Forty-Two

My usual walk to class was delayed by my need for coffee and some Advil. Since majority of the hellish trip to England required me to remain sober, it seemed the excellent tolerance I once possessed was easily diminished after drinking half a bottle of vodka with my sister. The required Advil was already in my system, slowly numbing the racket in my head and sensitivity to light. It's sufficiency was so far subpar, which was exactly why I made a stop at the coffee stand.

Familiarity itched at my skin as I recalled the first day of second semester. Matt had showed up, bearing chivalry and an invitation to his frat party. While he relished in our history, I tried to move forward from it. We were 'friends' then, or at least friendly enough to not want to kill each other the way we do now.

Now there I stood, three months later, plotting my revenge. Who knew we'd end up here? Even with my extreme paranoia, I would have never seen this coming. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I'd say the road to redemption is paved with bad ones. Nobody claws out from the depths of hell unscathed.

Deja vu was in no mood to show me any mercy, which is why the same barista from the first day I had come here was working. She eyed me up carefully, frightened. She knew exactly who I was. "Iced coffee with low-fat milk," I mundane, pulling out my wallet. "That'll be $4.36," the barista said, before her glance drifted from beyond me. The fear she held on her face only heightened as she added, "Unless your boyfriend wants to pay for that."

Please tell me this is some kind of cruel joke.

"Keep the change," the voice of my ex-boyfriend, my ex-friend, and my current enemy, Matt, spoke from behind me. His body brushed up against mine as he handed the barista a $5. I didn't bother turning, instead I walked to the pick-up station of the small stand. I had a hangover, a class I was going to be late to, and an eager professor who would be waiting for me to show up. I had no time to deal with this, with him, especially when I hadn't any ammunition yet. I was weaponless, tired, and on no grounds to attack. The ball was in his court and all I could do was fear the retaliation I knew I deserved. "Almost feels too familiar," my vengeful ex-boyfriend chuckled forlornly, running a hand through his hair. I had nothing to say, and just let a disbelieving scoff roll off my tongue. "Funny how we always find a way back to each other, even in the most trying of times,"

I ignored him further, knowing well someone as stubborn as him would only be fueled by it. "Hey," he growled, the sensation of anger burning his flesh. He gripped my arm and pulled me away from the coffee stand, far from the population. "You think I want to do this? I don't, okay, Logan? I don't want to hurt you,"

"Don't lie to me," I hissed, yanking my arm from his grasp, "You of all people should know I can see right it. Truth of the matter is, you do want to hurt me. Otherwise, what's the point in doing all this?"

He fought long and hard for an answer that would counter against my statement, but no matter how long and how hard he searched, he would never find one, because I was right, and he knew it, too. "Fine. You're right, okay? I do want to hurt you, but with good reason,"

"What good reason could there ever be for trying to exploit my relationship? You do know how this ends, right? If you and that dye-jobbed bitch leak that photo I get expelled, and Harry gets hit with a bunch of criminal charges. Not only that, but he risks getting deported. Do you really want that kind of blood on your hands, Beckett? Because you can't even stand here and face me without feeling guilty. Imagine how you'll feel in the aftermath,"

Feeding his guilt was part of my manipulation. I was the creme de la creme of manipulation, that was well known. But even with my notoriety for it, nobody ever saw it coming. "You're lying," Matt said, his body tensed. "He won't get arrested... o-or deported,"

"Of course he will. And for what? All because I don't have feelings for you?" I passed him a pitiful laugh. "You can't even fight fair. If you have a problem with me, then have at it. I'm not going to stand here an pretend I don't deserve it," I paused, momentarily showing weakness, as I saw my Happiness on the other side of the courtyard, swiftly heading to his lecture. If only he knew. If only he knew the lengths I'd go for him because I loved him. The sliver of humanity left in me went up in flames as I remembered I was in the middle of battle, with no intention of surrendering. "But don't bring Harry into it."

My words scorched Matt, but with every blow he only grew stronger. "That's exactly what you told me a few weeks ago, remember? You asked me to spare him," he scoffed wickedly, ignoring my harsh plea. "And you know what? I would. He's an asshole, but I would never want him to get arrested, or deported, even.

But now that I see how much it's hurting you, I don't intend on letting this go. You were right earlier, about you deserving whatever I do to you. And this is exactly what you deserve. You get to watch the life of only person you care about go up in fucking flames, and have him resent you for it. You'll be alone, forever, just the way you belong,"

Frustration burned my eyes, my vision becoming blurry with malevolence and tears that I refused to let spill. He had me cornered, with no exit. My head was spinning as his words played on an unforgiving loop. You'll be alone, forever, just the way you belong. He was right. It seemed karma didn't just have it out for me, but everyone I loved. I had to be alone. It was better this way. I had to be alone if I wanted to go up against Matt and Fate itself. Only then would the casualties decrease. 

Goodbye, Harry.

"Sally's leaking the picture on Friday, 12 a.m, during my frat party," Matt mumbled, some culpability hidden in his tone. "I just thought you should know,"

I once said that if being my worst self was the debt I had to pay in order to bring Matt and Sally's agenda down, then I would gladly pay my dues. This was the time. Old Logan was resurfacing under the most horrific of pretenses, and in no mood to show any mercy. "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" I asked him, my old self pulling on the reins. "If you don't cease fire, there's nothing stopping me from ruining you,"

"You're all talk. If you had something on me you would've used it by now," he rolled his eyes, unaware of the monster I'd just become. I was every aspect of my old self, but more. This time I would be unforgiving, malicious. The small dose of benevolence I once possessed was gone until further notice. I briefly noted Harry's emotional relapse, and the horror that ensued because of it. Mine would only be twofold, a scorned woman seeking vengeance. "All good things come to those who wait," I reminded, continuing, "But in your case, the longer you wait, the worse your ending will be."

His jaw tightened at my threat, enraged by my change in attitude. Didn't he know by now? I had made it clear many times before:

I was prey to no one. 

*********************

GUYS HELLO OMG

It's been like almost half a year since I updated. I feel like every chapter ends with me apologizing for not updating consistently AND IM SORRY. I really do try to keep up with the updating schedules I set for myself but I end up failing every time. I'm an aquarius yall it's in my nature to  completely ghost my responsibilities (and people too, if im being honest) and then come back months later like nothing happened

Anyways, I hope that you all are doing okay. Especially for my U.S peeps. It's been a very rough few months for this country.

Also not to get political but I'm going to anyway... if you are 18+ and are in the US please vote. Like seriously. This is such an important election. Use your voice and take advantage of your rights if you are able. let's get the fat cheeto out of office. 

I just turned 19 several months ago and voted for the first time ever!! I voted early and drove to my local deposit area to submit my ballot yesterday :)))))

ok anyways that's all for now. college is taking up a lot of my time so I'm not going to promise any consistent updates but I will promise to try my best!!

Please take care of yourselves! I'm wishing you all happiness and health <3

also stream Positions by Ariana Grande okbye