Endless Starlight -A Star guardian LoL fan fiction-

Memories Of A Friend

Jinx's POV:

Nothing makes my day any better like being woken up by my mother swearing like a firetruck at me to wake up to go to hell oh sorry.. I meant school.
(That was sarcasm ~Duh)

For most people, waking up in the morning must be nice when you know it's going to be a good day, just having a delicious breakfast await for you in the kitchen with a decent mother there standing with a loving smile wishing you a good day at school.
A mother that just... cares about you.
But I'm not like most people.

I didn't get to have this privilege, instead I live in a  very crappy place that I don't feel safe in.
I can't call this place, my home because home is a feeling.
A feeling of being loved, secured and in a good environment.
But, my place makes me feel trapped and so alone and.. so very broken...
It's walls reminds me of all the awful fights I had with this woman in this house, but worst of all it reminds me of the day.. I wish I could just forget completely but no matter how much time passes by it always comes back to haunt me.
...I - I don't let anyone know this side of me.
I simply can't show how much of an emotional wreck I truly am but sometimes I can't hide this.
Damn, I'm spacing out again...

My day only got worse from there, of course! As soon as I got here, I got called to the principal office to do my "responsibility" of cleaning meaning sweeping around the soccer field of this dumb school for this afternoon.
I was meant to start last week but I decided to act like I didn't know that.
Like I also pretended I didn't about the therapy thing, either.
I don't have a choice anyways. I'd get kicked out. As much as I hate school where else would I go? I don't have a place to call my own. I have no where to go. I don't have any goals for my life but to stay alive but sometimes I think what's the point?.. when everything is so awful and everyone seems to hate you. Does anyone know what that's like? I wonder...

I sigh deeply loosing up my tight grip on the broom.

I hate how I can't escape my thoughts. I can never stop thinking, something is always running through my mind. I wish I could make it stop, hell I wish things were different!
So very different.

"..Just smile and everything will be okay."

I recalled Lux telling me the other day. If only it was that simple. How do I know everything will be okay? How can I smile when I can even bring myself to even twitch my mouth at all?
I bet her world is perfect.
She has nice friends, good grades and a loving home and family I'm sure.
To be truthful to myself. I'm jealous...

I'm jealous that I can't have that. I'm jealous that I can't be as happy as she is.
I want to smile and laugh like her genuinely... not faking it. I guess life is unfair.
Why am I even here?

I stop myself from thinking too much to the point of going through that dark hole.
I distract myself as I continue sweeping as I hear dumb boys yelling none sense in the background while practicing on the soccer field.

After a couple minutes of this, I stop as I hear music coming from... around the corner?
Sounds like an acoustic guitar playing?
I take slow and quiet steps to peek around the corner and saw that it was Ekko playing the instrument sitting on a stair case.

I didn't know that dork could play any instrument.
The other day with Ekko was great. Actually I've never felt so.. alive without exactly causing a massacre. It was strange how one person made me feel somewhat a little better but if I learned anything I should really stay away.
Not because Ekko is a bad person or anything. That's not it at all.
The thing is it went all.. too well, way too perfect.
I don't trust that. It's just feels like it's a build up for such a terrible thing to happen.

We'll just end up hurting each other. I feel like I'm best off alone. No one has ever stayed in my life for long and when they have they just make it more miserable than it already is.
I can't handle more of this.
Trusting people, letting them into your heart just so they can shatter it into a million of pieces and never putting it back together and I mean NEVER.

I put my back against the wall and slide down to sit on the cold floor, and bring up my knees to my chest. I decided not to have Ekko notice me this time. It's not worth it.

I remember a girl...

This girl was my best friend when I was younger.
Believe it or not.. I was an okay kid. I mean before.. umm.. everything  happened.

It was first year of elementary school. I didn't exactly have any friends yet, well I don't remember a period of my life where I had friends.
But, this girl was an exception.
The other kids always called me names like strange, weird, crazy and most often a freak.
I heard these insults all through out my life.
I heard it so much that it wouldn't effect me.. well not as much as it used to.

I didn't understand why they were so.. mean but as I grew older I saw how cruel and dark this world truly is.

I honestly don't remember her name. I really wish I did. But, when I met up with her it was her very first day at my school.
At that point we had one thing in common. We were the only ones all on their own.

It was play time and I was in my little corner by myself playing with the many little plastic toy guns. I really wanted someone to play 'pretend' with.

Just pretend.. I didn't even care if someone would just pretend to like me so they'd just play with me. I was that desperate for a friend.
I was that alone and no I didn't want a teacher to play with me.
But, with a kid that was my age. I wanted to be like everyone else.

I didn't want to be labeled as a weird or strange girl anymore. I wanted to be a normal child with normal friends but why? Why couldn't I have that?

I didn't dare to ask anyone to play with me as I feared rejection and public humiliation more than anything.

I remember I'd often just go in the corner during play time and just cry silently, the teacher would try to cheer me up and get kids to play with me but hell.. I could see through them.
They didn't want to.