f o r t y - f i r s t ♂️

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Saturday, 10:28 AM.

Recover.

After a shocking encounter with my past yesterday, the time needed for my mentality to recover took longer than usual. Even after submerging myself in cold shower for about an hour and stuffing myself with so much bread, they didn't help me so much.

When I looked upon my reflection, I discovered many changes. One was that my eyebag had gotten worse, and the other was that my skin looked even paler than usual. My blue eye literally looked as if it was dead; it was completely dull that I couldn't find any brightness within it. It was bloodshot as well, probably because I had been rubbing it.

During breakfast, Mother was fast enough to take notice, even if I tried to hide them from being seen. Father must have probably told her as well, so she knew what happened, especially my alleged nightmare. She questioned me more, especially my sickly appearance, but I just told her that insomnia and my lack of mood were to blame.

Well, at least it was the truth.

Last night, sleep was completely intermittent. I would fall asleep, only to be woken up by some shuffling noises and some sort of... laughter that sounded too real for me. I would glance around, only to see no one around. Flashbacks of what had happened before kept me awake, too, no matter what was it.

The panic attacks... the breakdowns... the hallucinations... the nightmares...

Ugh... I don't even want to remember the bad dreams...

The words that the kids had uttered yesterday were also permanently engraved inside. My head ached at the memory, I was having a hard time gathering my breaths.

"He shouldn't have exist."

"He's a waste of space."

No, no, no. I shouldn't be thinking about it right now. I shut my eye, quickly slapping my temples and shook my head. Those disturbing, little voices quickly cut off before they could say anything that could ruin me again. I should be doing something else. In fact, I have to distract myself with something that keeps me busy and occupied... but with what...?

Maybe, I should go back to work again... I shouldn't have been taking break from it for too long...

My phone abruptly buzzed when I was about to reach out for it on the nightstand. How convenient it was to ring, but for me, it was a chance for distraction. Unlocking the screen, I noticed a new text received from one of my friends.

Skype? :)

Obviously without looking at the name of the sender, I instantly knew who was it. I quickly opened his message board, and typed in my acceptance, then punched the send button. A few seconds after, the Skype ringtone blared throughout my room. Typical of him.

Pressing the green button, my phone screen quickly reverted to video, which revealed Sebastian, and based on how he was relaxed, I was positive he was on his bed. Even if he didn't seem to be doing any work and designs, I can see that he still used his head-band his pull up his bangs from his forehead.

He weakly smiled as he raised his hand in a form of greetings. Fortunately, he acted like he always did, but his brown eyes were unusually darker and fatigued. Inspecting closer, I realized that his hair was tousled than ever, as if he had been running through it several times. At the condition he had been in, I let out a deep sigh.

"Did you stay up all night again?" I asked, feeling my eye zooming at him. "You look even shittier."

"... Yeah, I know." There was a moment of silence at first, but it broke when he started chuckling.

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