f o r t y - f o u r t h ♂️

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Forced.

After a few hours of inactivity, I eventually forced myself to get off the covers, despite a few protests. I silently slid the curtains open, allowing more sunlight to illuminate my room. I impulsively covered my eye with my hand, slowly adjusting itself to the sudden brightness it received. Once all set, I found myself climbing back onto the bed.

Ugh... I groaned, planting my face onto the pillow. I wasn't even able to catch some sleep, recalling what had occurred during the early hours of the day. Memories of Raphael's grin kept popping up, now matter how much I attempted to suppress the flashbacks. I turned over to the side, taking a few breaths, gripping my fingers tightly against the pillow.

Am I really going to... stand all of this? It looks like I'm going to lose it... I began to wonder, while I gazed into nothing. Doubts of my mental survival seized me, but now, I shouldn't turn back for assistance, even from my family. I had pushed all of them away, so if I was to ask for help, they will definitely reject.

No, what the hell am I thinking? I shouldn't be looking for help! I dragged myself to sit at the edge of the bed, bringing the pillow along. Standing up, I quickly slapped both sides of my head, clearing those stupid thoughts. I can't be a burden anymore... I have been making too much trouble for everyone...

I slowly ambled to the spot where my eye had been ogling at. It was my own desk, where all the pictures of the past had been. Of course, I kept them flipped away, so that the photos within them were not directly visible. The only one visible was my photobooth photo with Rena, which casually leaned against the wall. There was also the Post-It note of Sawyer's faded phone number.

Looks like I had no guts to throw it away... After all, whenever I tried to dispose of it, something unknown stepped in and stopped me from doing so. Instead, I decided to put it there as if it was worthy to be displayed. It was supposed to be an easy task, but the dilemma I have just make it even harder...

For no reason, I randomly took one random photo from the group. I flipped it around, seeing that it was an old picture of me, when I was a kid, blowing some candles at a birthday party. There seemed to be no one beside me, but I could see some small silhouettes on the corner of the picture that probably belonged to my old friends.

Surely, the changes that I underwent from a kid until today stood out compared to the others. I used to be loud, but now, dead silence enveloped around me. I used to excessively smile and grin, but now, I had forgotten how to to it. Formerly always in high spirits, as told by the others, but now I lacked of energy.

It was like turning from hot... to cold in just over three seconds. I placed the photo back to its place, and turned it around quickly. Something could happen if I gaze at it too much, and obviously, I didn't want to know what will be happening next.

A ringtone abruptly blasted across the room, which threw me off guard. I snapped towards the direction of my phone, which buzzed loudly on the nightstand. At first, I thought my heart leaped out of my chest, but the pounding inside of me proved it wrong. I guessed that it was either Seb or Rena, as they were the only two that will possibly call me at this time.

Either way, I wonder what are they going to talk about...

With two silent strides, I grabbed my phone and took note of the caller. As expected, the name that popped out of the screen was Rena.

I swallowed my breath hurriedly, while my ribs simultaneously contracted. I slowly moved back, sitting back on the bed. If she was calling me, then she must have something very important to tell...

If so, I must answer her quick... With no further thoughts, I punched the answer button and held the phone close to my ear. Static, faint noises were the first thing that emitted out of the speaker, followed by some thuds. I gulped silently, anticipating Rena to greet me soon.

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