The Diary Of The Girl With ADHD

Life. Pt. 157

January 18, 2018

Hey there Song Bird,

     I know it's been one year, three months, one week, and six days since I last wrote in you.  Life seems to not be so bad.  I somehow got a girlfriend last July I think, that I broke up with sometime in September of last year.
     But in away it kind of worked out.  I know this may sound horrible for me to say, but I had a major crush on a friend who I met through Roleplay in January of 2017 or December of 2016.  But I'd rather be with someone that I've known more then just a month of two.  The reason why I felt like it was horrible for me to admit that I had a crush on Will, my friend who I've know since December 2016 was because I've had that crush on them since the start of April or May 2017 (could have been in June).  But when I started dating my ex girlfriend in July 2017 it made me feel guilty for being into Will, and getting into a relationship.
     Around the time I had ended my relationship with my ex in September was because I was trying to deal with some depression and anxiety.  I was feeling a lot more dysphoria then normal.  She had even said to me, "Until you want a dick, you aren't a boy."  I felt more alone then ever and needed sometime to work through my own problems before I tried to help someone else.  In away I felt like I shouldn't be dating either because I wasn't taking care of my mental help as well if I was to busy trying to help hers.  In away I had felt trapped.
     I remember that feeling when she had tried to guilt trip me not to break up with her.  In away it worked until I found out that she had guilt tripped me into staying with using her anxiety and depression.  So I told her two days later that I just couldn't do it anymore, that I need to focus on school and my own problems before I get into a relationship.  I wanted to be stable when I finally started dating, but I wasn't stable enough when I started dating her.  It was unfair for me to be in a relationship when I wasn't happy, but it wasn't fair to her either because she just wanted to be loved and be helped with her problems.
     About a month and two days has passed, it was now October 20th, 2017.  I had gotten a little bit more stable and happy.  This day was important because I had started dating the love of my life on that day.  Some reason I had thought Will would never feel the same about me since I still had a HUGE crush on them and felt like I wasn't good enough for them.  But DAMN was I wrong, I had found out that they felt the same way for me.  So we ended up making it official and became a couple.  I am extremely happy to be their boyfriend.  We have been together for two months, four weeks, and one day today.  Three months will be on January 20, 2018.
     I never thought I'd find my significant other in a place I had least expected it.  I love them more then they ever know.  I wish I found out they felt the same way sooner though.

See ya tomorrow Songbirds,
~ KK 🎶🏹🎶