Army Girl

The Final Good-bye

I walked up to the mic and I said, “Today, We honor the lives of my family. My loving family who put me through some hard times but I still loved anyway. My father who taught me how to be tough, My mother who taught me how to be kind and a little sister who couldn’t teach me anything yet. These people have influenced some of the best choices I’ve ever made. I miss them so much and I regret not talking to them much. I regret not going home to spend time with them. I think I took having my family as an advantage or made I was still hurt by them. I never got to say a proper goodbye or a last I love you. I’ll never get to  have my family back but there is nothing I can do about that. I can mourn my loss or I can remember all the good times I shared with them. The first time I saw my baby sister, the first training day with my dad, the first cooking lesson from my mom. All the good times we shared that made me who I am and I know that heaven gained some angels today. I am going to read a poem called “The Dash” by Linda Ellis in remembrance of them…

 

​I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone

from the beginning…to the end.

 

He noted that first came the date of birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

 

For that dash represents all the time

that they spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved them

know what that little line is worth.

 

For it matters not, how much we own,

the cars…the house…the cash.

What matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

 

So, think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

that can still be rearranged.

 

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand

​the way other people feel.

 

And be less quick to anger

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we’ve never loved before. 

 

If we treat each other with respect

and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash

might only last a little while.

 

​So, when your eulogy is being read,

with your life’s actions to rehash…

would you be proud of the things they say

about how you spent YOUR dash?

 

 

Thank you all for coming. This means a lot to me and to them as well.” I got off stage then Andy, Vic, Kellin, Alex, Jenna, and I got up on stage and Vic played guitar and we sang Amazing Grace. I started crying a little and Andy gave me a reassuring squeeze on my hand. I squeezed back. Soon the song was over and the service wrapped up. My family was carried out and we all followed. There was a little reception and people came and said Hi and sorry for your loss and then I saw my old friends from my home town. I hugged them and they said sorry for my loss and we hugged more. Then they left. After an hour the reception wrapped up. Andy’s band, Vic’s band, Kellin’s band, Alex’s band and my band all went back to Vic’s house since it was the largest. We all went and ate. I finished eating and then left the table. I got into running clothes and grabbed my phone and head phones. I put on my running playlist and I walked out of the house and I ran. I ran and ran and ran. I ran away from everything. From life, from my friends, from the house, from my love. I couldn’t take it anymore. I have just lost my family. I lost the people who raised me and my sister only a few months old. I started to cry and I was still running. I fell on to the grass and cried. Then it started to rain. I took out my ear phones and there was no one around and I screamed, “ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HUH? HAVEN’T YOU PUT ME THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY? I’VE LOST EVERYTHING! I’M ALL ALONE NOW! WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE ME INSTEAD OF THEM? WHY?!” I was sobbing and I felt someone hug me. I knew it was Andy. I buried my face into his chest. I cried harder and he sat me on his lap and hugged me. he didn’t say anything. Just hugged me and some how that was what I needed in that moment. After about an hour. I was out of tears and in a quiet, soft and sorrowful voice Andy said, “Lets go home and get cleaned up. It’s been a long day.” I didn’t say anything and just nodded my head yes. he helped me up and held my hand and we walked home. Well to Vic’s house. When we got there Andy grabbed my stuff and his keys and we drove to my house. We got up to my apartment and I got a shower first then he got one. I got into my dad’s old sweatshirt and some sleep pants. I laid in bed and hugged the stuffed animal my mom gave me when I was young. I looked at the family picture of all of us. I didn’t cry. I had no tears left. Andy came out in his pjs and he got into bed and hugged me. He hugged me tight. He knew just what I needed. I just needed him to be there for me. Nothing more or less. Just someone to hug and to love him and keep me from doing anything I’ll regret. I really love him. More than I could ever imagine. Andy kisses my head and rubbed my back. I snuggled into him and fell asleep.

 

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So what do you you all think so far about the story? I want to thank you guys for reading this and getting me up to 394 reads! Wow! I hope you liked this chapter. I know it's a little dark but it will get bettter. No the story is not over.

--Mackie Lee