Weird Dear Evan Hansen One-Shots!

The (More or Less) Identity Crisis

My book is finally living up to it's name!!
So the guys are doing this thing where they act like (and end up cleverly roasting) the other person for a whole day because I want this to be incredibly light hearted and stupid.
Jared is now Evan
Evan is now Connor
Connor is now Jared
*Evan's boyfriends still don't know the true story about his arm*

So...we just make fun of each other for the entire day?" Evan clarified.

"Yup! Starting now!" Jared said.

Evan frowned and zipped up his hoodie. "Fine."

"I'll be right back!" Connor said dropping to the ground and rolling out of his bedroom.

"Um I'll be back back a-also" Jared shuffled out and awkwardly went into the bathroom.

Evan rolled his eyes. "My boyfriends are adorable idiots."

Connor ran back in wearing a pair of 3D glasses with the lenses popped out. "Where's Acorn?"

Evan rolled his eyes again. "I'm the bathroom probably having another panic attack."

"I bet he fell off the toilet tank and broke his other arm."

That's when Jared walked in his face red and wet. He was also sporting a new toilet paper cast on his left arm. Hey guys." He sniffed.

"Evan my smol cinnamon roll! I mean how the hell did you break your arm nerd?" Connor said readjusting his glasses.

"Oh um, I fell out of a tree actually?" Jared squeaked.

"Well that's just the saddest f***ing thing I've ever heard." Evan deadpanned.

"Can you maybe sign it?" Jared said holding out a yellow sharpie to Evan.

"Whatever." He said taking the marker. "Wait! This isn't obnoxious enough of a color! You don't have anything more pastel? You know to match the pink duckling stuffed animal I have that nobody knows about?"

"Gay!" Connor yelled.

"S*** did I say that out loud?" Evan asked writing Connor's name on Jared's cast with the yellow sharpie so that even though it took up the entire side of the cast, you couldn't read it because of the horrible contrast.

"Yes! I heard you! 'Tis I! The insanely straight Jared Kleinman TM!"

"Um you kissed me in second grade?" Jared wrung his hands.

"That's besides the point! I'm hungry but first Evan I gotta know...ya like jazz?" Connor asked holding up his copy of "The Bee Movie."

"I like jazz! Well I mean not all jazz! Like jazz band jazz but um. What should we make for breakfast?"

"How about bagels with meme-cheese?" Connor said jumping on top of Evan and flopping on his bed.

"Never say that again or I'll push into a locker instead of taking my anger out on innocent bystanders with broken arms who look incredibly anxious already. Let's just find something in the kitchen." Evan said walking out of the room.

"But do you know the way?" Connor screeched running out of the room after Jared.

Connor ran into the kitchen. "Jared makes an entrance!" He sang.

Evan yanked opened the fridge. "So I'm gonna go finish this milk. F*** you Zoe for writing your name on the container! Joke's on you! I'm gonna drink it straight from the carton!" He didn't even take off the cap before pretending to drink it. "What do you guys want? All we have is my mom's gross cooking. What the hell is a vegan cheese burger anyway?"

"Um whatever everyone else wants." Jared mutters and suddenly hops up onto a wooden chair. "Dear Evan Hansen! Today is going to be an amazing day and here's why! My boyfriend Jared is inhumanly beautiful and I want to kiss him so much! His incredible sense of humor and high intellect makes me happy to be around him. Also Connor's kinda cool too. Sincerely Me!" He hopped down from the chair.

"I'll take Froot Loops! Being your family friend and all, because that is totally our relationship ha ha..I have to ask, are you feeling okay?" Connor asked resting his elbow on Jared's shoulder.

"Yeah I'm fine I just feel like I'M ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I EVER BE MORE THAN I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CAUSE I'M TAP TAP TAPPING ON THE GLASS! W A V I N G T H R O U G H  A. W I N D O W!!!" Jared sang jumping onto the counter dramatically.

"Connor did you give the pure, innocent angel weed again?!?!" Connor gasped trying to coax Jared down from the counter.

"Yup, he was completely stoned. Hey Jared, if you weren't in this relationship, our ship name could have been High Anxiety." Evan chuckled, pouring Connor a bowl of whole wheat Cheerios (because that's the only edible sounding cereal in the Murphy residence).

"But now we can be Insanely High Anxiety TM! 420 Blaze It!" Connor screamed.

"Guys please stop being weird and making drug references! STOP DOING DRUGZ JUST TRY TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS AND GO ON WALKS! YOU WILL BE FOUND!!! Wait oh fern wrong song." Jared mumbled.

"Did my adorable child just curse?!?!" Connor gasped, grabbing a fork to start eating his cereal, even with milk in it.

"He could never! He's a pure bean!" Evan declared.

"Um no, Connor is the only son of a birch here that curses. Why the fern would I start doing it?"

"Jared! Our son is using swear words!"

*Many hours of strangeness later*

The boys had finally stopped and had regained their own identities. They were now all curled up on Connor's couch with blankets, pillows, and hot chocolate. They were watching "Real House Wives of Beverly Hills" (well Evan and Connor were watching Jared scream at the TV) and cuddling when Jared paused the show.

"Hey guys, today was so light hearted and whacky, it makes me nervous about what will come tomorrow."

Connor looked up at him. "What the f*** are you talking about Kleinman?"

"I mean just think about it. It's almost like the calm before a storm. If our life was fanfiction, this would be the comic relief chapter before the angst sets in. Like the author of our destinies is trying to give us something happy before multiple chapters filled with trigger warnings."

Evan berried his head into Jared's chest. "I think you're over tired love."

Connor nodded and continued to stroke Jared's hair. "Yeah, plus anything that happens, we'll get through together."

Jared nodded and closed his eyes, resting his head on Connor's shoulder.

He soon drifted off to sleep, completely oblivious to the impending doom they would all soon face...

*Laughs evilly*
Well that's all for now!!
Have a great day!! 🖤