Taking a break from the angst!!
SQUIP: Super Quantum Unit Processor
For all of you that aren't educated in the art of Be(ing) More Chill you might want to skip this one, but basically a squip is like a pill sized robot that you swallow with Mountain Dew. It speaks to you through your brain and gives you advice on how to be cool and popular. It is also a gigantic jerk and will verbally abuse you/use shock therapy to get you to do what it wants.
Don't do drugs kids.
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Squip: Everything about you is so terrible! Everything about you makes me wanna die!
Connor: same
Squip: making people hate themselves is kinda my thing, so...
Connor: I don't need you for that. I can do that by myself
Squip: *shocks Connor* your charm is non existent
Connor: pfft I just blew $400
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Squip: Repeat after me. I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss.
Evan: I saw it in the window and I couldn't...stop waving
Squip: no that just makes you sound creepy
Evan: why am I always on the outside looking in?!?!
Squip: we're getting off topic here
Evan: I mean can anybody even see me?!?!
Squip: Evan it's just a shirt
Evan *crying*: But is it waving back at me?
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Jared: how are you with math homework?
Squip: I'm a super computer Jared, I'm made of math
Jared: history?
Squip: I have access to every database at all times
Jared: English?
Squip: SU-PER COM-PU-TER
Jared: gym?
Squip: I'm a robot not a wizard
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Zoe: so you gonna help me or what?
Squip: popularity status already achieved
Zoe: But my life sucks and people think I'm a b***
Squip: oh I can't help you with that
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Alana tries to diagnose the squip's problems
Alana: and you shock people because you have control issues
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Jared's favorite beverage is probably Mountain Dew Red. He deactivated it by accident
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Alana tests out what all the different flavors of Mountain Dew do
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Connor's squip looks like Voldemort from Harry Potter
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CONNOR IS EVAN'S SQUIP!!!!!
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Squip: let's see how good your flirting is
Alana: um...
Squip: go practice on Zoe
Alana: *to Zoe* so...that chemistry test right? I mean what even were those acidic solutions?
Zoe: I take physics...
Squip: oh boy
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Squip: *shocks Evan*
Evan: ow! What was that for?!?!
Squip: you're doing it wrong!
Evan: doing what wrong?!?! Breathing?!?!?
Squip: Yes
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I recently found out Jeresquip (Jeremy x Squip) fanfiction is a thing...
No offense if you ship it, but why?
That's all for now!!
Remember Squip's are bad, musicals are good.
YOU ARE READING
Weird Dear Evan Hansen One-Shots!
FanfictionOne-shots and other short stories influenced by the musical by Steven Levenson, Benj Pasek, and Justin Paul. (I do not own any of these characters or any part of the actual musical). This is my first fanfic so I hope you enjoy it!
