Rebirth of the Rebellion~Reylo

Chapter 3~ Pain

Kylo's POV~

The Resistance fleet has taken out a Dreadnaut and made a jump to hyperspace. They will not get away with the bloodshed. My squadron and I have dispatched into the battle. A vast majority of the Resistance pilots are incompetent and so easily taken out. Others were hard to shake off. A fraction of my fleet was wiped out upon arrival. Reinforcements won't be an issue since I've destroyed the hangar on the main cruiser.

As I flew and spun a few laps around the cruiser, I felt a sort of nagging feeling in the Force. Getting closer to the ship, I realized it was coming from the control bridge. She was there: my mother. I was given the order to destroy the fleet, so I will. The computer in my cockpit read "acquiring target" when I came into range of the control bridge. 'I have to do this'. The nagging came again. I tuned it in and i could hear her, through the Force, she was reaching out to me.

'Ben... don't do this. Come home.' Her thoughts pleaded. My guts began tearing each other apart in distress. 'I have to do this!' My fingers lingered over the trigger. The confliction was eating me up from within and I couldn't take it. The fight to keep back tears was lost.

'I can't do this... I'm sorry... for everything.' I let go of the controls. I couldn't do it. I'm weak. One can only imagine my punishment for not following orders. I was pulled out of my daze when one pilot from my squadron fired a missile at the bridge. 'I forgive you.' Was all I heard before I felt the connection die. She's gone. A hologram of Hux appeared on the projection device, most likely some snide, sarcastic remark. I ignored it.
Shortly after arrival back to the ship, I returned to my personal chambers and locked myself in. The anger of my weakness and the grief of my mother's loss was tearing me apart. My mind drifted back to when i murdered my father.

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I-I know what I have to do but I don't have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" He had a look of sympathy and determination in his eyes. "Yes. Anything." I removed my lightsaber from my belt and held it out. He gripped it while it lie still in my hands. The light from the sun died, creating a new darkness in the oscillator. A darkness that fueled my power, giving me the strength to do what was necessary. I drove my lightsaber through my father's chest. He placed his hand on my face gently, his eyes spoke of forgiveness. With that he fell into the abyss...

I had thought doing that would bring me closer to the darkness. I was wrong, dead wrong. It wasn't until then that I realized I still had love in my heart, only doing this monstrous act killed what little love I had left in me. I killed a part of myself.

My father's death replayed in my mind, as did my mother's last thoughts. They haunted me. There was no point in trying to suppress my sobs, they just errupted through my throat, breaking my deafening silence. That had all been a mistake I shall never repeat.