Lālasāmayī

Divine trap

I really don't know
Why do I feel this?
Why did You have to leave?
The memories make me heartbroken,
At first You make one feel bliss
As if You're here,
As if You're all they need,
As if You're the ultimate desire,
Love and transcendental greed,
At first,
Its all about bliss,
Its all the transcendence that they miss;
And when one finally enters into Your divine trap,
And when they start feeling Your love as if a mothers lap,
You just leave?

The truest reality that they realize,
It is not actually love, but Your separation in disguise,
Its heart wrecking in a sense,
Your separation that they start to feel,
Its as if a forest so dense,
And You're the only way out
And You are no where to be found!

Its as if the stomach feels extreme hunger,
The throat feels intensely thirsty,
Mind starts making so many blunders,
And eyes become so misty,
As if hands tremble out of cold,
As if heart burns out of agony,
As if body has lost all power,
As if its tears that can only shower;

Oh trees, oh unfortunate ones,
Oh clothes, oh door and windows!
You're both fortunate and unfortunate;
For you don't have to feel this highest level of painful separation,
But you won't get to feel His Supreme love!
But you won't get to serve His lotus feet!

But what should I do?
This is not what the wise one do!
They surrender unto Your lotus feet
Which is so divine, alluring, so very sweet;

All I can feel is helpless wait,
All I can feel is transcendental distress,
For it cannot be otherwise,
That thought is itself emergence of insanity,
Serving You is my only delight,
Even if it comes with heartbreaking pain.

For I'm drawn to You as if a nectar seeking bee,
It cannot be otherwise because You are the only shelter I seek,
Becoming attached to You is my only Dharma,
Your service is my only Karma
And also a delight
Even if it comes with heartbreaking pain.