Lālasāmayī

Fallen

World is like a spider's net
I'm surrounded by it
It is ultimate threat!
And I keep falling for it!
I keep making offenses
I tend to forget His loving glances!

I used to be frustrated
I thought I deserved to feel devoted
I used to be depressed
I thought I had already reached the ultimate level
I thought I was a devotee
I thought I deserved His love
I thought I deserved to feel loved!

What I fool I was!
I'm a fallen soul
It was my choice to be here
It was my choice to be a fallen soul
I have been attracted towards negation
Since millions of lifetimes
In this material manifestation!

For is it possible to get the love I had forgotten?
For is it possible to let go of negation?
Is it possible to let go of the burden
With which I was attached to
Since so many lifetimes!

Its definitely not
That's why I'm here
That's why I'm fallen
That's why I do offenses
That's why I don't deserve it all!

But do you know?
The Lord doesn't want me to be here!
He thinks that I deserve it all!
He says, "do not fear"
He says, "come to me",
For I have this attachment,
Fallen desires,
Illusion is my friend,
How did I think I deserved it all?

It will take time
I'll do offenses
I'll keep tumbling down
I'll break many bones
But you know what?
He will keep holding me up!
Every time I fall down
Everytime I do offenses
He will be there through His devotees!
Even if it doesn't seem so,
Even if I'm not getting time
Its all Him asking me to realize
That I should give Him first priority,
Its all His wonder
For I'm still bound in time
I'm still committing many crimes.

For I should be depressed
I shouldn't be frustrated
For I should become humble
For I should feel I'm fallen,
That's how devotees feel, right?
Mistakes should make one see the light
Make one see the original position
Of oneself and the Supreme Lord
In this wonderful manifestation
I'm actually so fallen
That I thought I'm not!