It's really you on my mind (Creek)

18. Finding Home

"What?" Craig stuttered out of his sniffles.

"You heard me. I wish you never came out here."

"Tweek... you have every right to be mad at me, but I'm really sorry. If we go home, I can find some way to make it up to you."

"No Craig. I don't w-want to go back, and so, I'm not."

I turned away from him, if I looked at him one more time I might give in. I picked up my blanket that had fallen to the ground and stomped back to my tent. Maybe if I pretended he wasn't there, he'd get the idea and just leave.

I sat in the tent with my knees pulled up to my chest, trying my best to pretend I didn't just see Craig crying. As I had wished Craig not to come to my tent, he came there anyway.

He crawled in, despite it being a very small space inside. He sat in front of me, his eyes all puffy.

"I know you hate me. I understand Tweek... but I was so happy finding you and... and I really want to make it up to you! You've been out here in the cold for two nights! Please just let me walk you home, at least..."

"It's n-not gonna happen Craig. If I wanted to go back, my parents would have to drag me back. But you? Not. Happening." I rolled my eyes, and shuffled myself against the back of the tent so I could have more space.

That only made Craig move closer. He leaned over to me, and I guess from were the sleeve of the sweater I was wearing rolled up he saw my cuts.

He grabbed my arm and pulled it closer to his eyes. I tried to slap him away with my other arm, but he grabbed it too.

"C-Craig, stop. P-please."

"Did you do this... to yourself?"

"Just let me go!" I once again tried to pull away, but it only made Craig tighten his grin on me.

He looked my arms up and down. Staring at them like he had no idea what it was. His eyes kept scanning my arms, looking closer to decipher the old ones from the new ones.

" I cut." He whispered to himself, "that's what you meant by 'you cut'." He started to speak a little louder, but still in a soft tone.

His sad eyes looked at me. I didn't see pity in his eyes though, I saw pain. True, heart wrenching pain.

"Did I make you..." He seemed to choke on his own words before continuing, "Did I do this?"

"AcK! NO!" I gritted through my teeth, him and I both knew good and well some of the fresh scabs that crossed my skin was relating to the thoughts of him.

"I-I just... I've had a hard time... This helps."

"It isn't helping anything Tweek! You don't need to do this! Look! I'll be here for you! I'll be there for you from now on! Every time you feel like doing this, just get me!"

"Why should I t-trust you! Why would I want to t-talk to you about why I'm depressed! You obviously wouldn't get it! Last time y-you learned something new about me... everything got worse..."

Craig opened his mouth but then closed it again. He didn't seem to have any other excuse or explanation. We sat in silence, as his grip on my arms loosened.

I just wanted all of this to be over. I was tired, and sleeping on the hard ground wasn't the best. I let out a long sigh.

"I want t-to go home."

Craig's head lifted up from looking at the ground, "Really!"

"Yeah, but not like house-home. I want to go to a place where I f-feel like a truly fit in."

"Oh... well me too." He took a long pause, thinking of what to say next, "I don't feel home in my own house... maybe, we should try and find a real home together?"

"What?"

"Like we can go around the town and try and find a place that we can call our home, and feel like we fit in!"

"How does Craig Tucker feel like he doesn't fit in? You're l-loved by almost everyone."

"Yea, but it doesn't feel like it..."

We came to a silence again, and my limbs were growing cramped as we continued to sit in the tent. Craig had stayed quite, staring intently at the grown. I could see his eyes , they seemed to be thinking of something.

He turned up his head again before he spoke, "Tweek Tweak, I want to start over. I know that I can't take back the things that have happened, but I hope you can forgive me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even in a few  months; but one day I hope I can make you forgive me. From now on, I want to be by your side, no matter how bad things get. I won't judge you, or who you are. I won't judge who you like, or how you feel. I want to be the person you can go to, instead of feeling like you have to deal with your problems by yourself. Please, Tweek, will you join me in a new start. A new start, with each other. We can try and find our real homes together. We can visit the look-out over the lake together. I'll do whatever as long as it's for you. I want to make this mess up to you Tweek, I want you to be happy."

He stared me dead in the eyes, his blue hems sparkling as he spoke of how he wanted to start over. I felt my eyes start to water, and a smile pull on my lips despite me trying not to show how I felt. Something inside me grew warm, it was that feeling again. The same feeling I had gotten the first time I met Craig.

The first time I saw him laugh, the first time I saw his eyes, and felt his warmth, it all came back to me. Sure, maybe Craig would never feel the same way back, but being his friend was better than not seeing him at all. I grabbed on to his shoulder and pulled myself close to him. I let a sob of all the feelings I had bottled up in me escape my lips.

I tightened my grip around him and cried out, "Craig Tucker... I w-want to start over w-with you. I want to be friends again. I don't w-want to be a-alone anymore!"

He hugged me back, and laughed a little laugh. I smiled through the tears, as I felt my chest feel with joy. I felt something new in the moment. Not just my feelings for Craig, but something else.

In that moment, I felt safe. I felt my fears, and sadness pause and drift away. I felt like I fit perfectly in his arms. I felt like I was home.