No Love Attached

chapter twelve : gatsby

| No Love Attached |
chapter twelve : gatsby

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My reflection stared back at me like an old friend giving a pep-talk to another. Her amber eyes were hopeful, her skin radiant. Hollow cheekbones that made other women green with envy. Full, pink lips men dreamed of kissing. Honey colored locks that people paid thousands to replicate.

She was beautiful.

Stunning, really.

When you looked closer, you could see she maybe wasn't so breathtaking. Her skin was radiant because she spent four hundred dollars on moisturizer. Her cheekbones were hollow because she could barely eat. Her lips were chapped and hadn't be touched in years.

She was angry.

Angry at herself. How dare she be ready to let go? Was three years, ten months, and twenty-three days too soon?

I sighed, staring back at this woman. This woman whose future was once filled with so much love.

Often I think, what would I want if I was dead and Josh was still here? Would I want him moping around, soaked in guilt for having a drink with a woman four years later? Just to be alone forever?

Yes, yes I would.

And then I think, what would Josh want?

Well, Josh was a way better person than I. He would tell me in that sweet voice of his, how ridiculous I was being. He'd say he wanted me to be happy without him. Encourage me to be with someone else, even. That's just the kind of human being Josh Lewis was. Too kind for his own good. Yet, taken from this world. And for what?

I stared at myself in the mirror for another minute before starting my makeup for the party.

Tonight I was going to leave sad, bitter Vera behind. I would be the long gone, fun, care-free woman I once was. I've been a drag at parties for the last four years. This new year was going to be different.

My eyes were lined with a warm brown color, making them pop a more green shade. I added false lashes and painted my lips red. It'd be a while since I wore anything other than nude lipstick. My hair was in tousled beach waves partly because I didn't know how to do much else with it.

Just for the hell of it, I decided to try on the little maroon number Anthony urged me to wear. The idea soon went out the window when the dress couldn't even get pulled over my ass.

Note to self: lose five pounds.

I had settled on a tight black, strapless dress that landed right under my knee. It was hugged my figure so tightly, it looked like it actually sucked my rib cage in. Hence, those five pounds looked like they suddenly shed off.

Anthony and his boy-toy of the week Klaus who couldn't have been older than twenty-four, picked me up in a black SUV.

"Hot as fuck!" He screamed out the window as I walked to the car. They were already drinking champagne and seemed to be drunk. The driver kept his eyes on the road no matter how many crude jokes or screams emerged from Anthony and Klaus. "As fuck. Don't you love that? Klaus said everyone says it,"

I took a big swig of Anthony's glass, leaving it almost empty. Champagne wasn't my favorite. I preferred the hard shit which I know there will be boatloads of at the party.

Damon's holiday extravaganza was at his estate in the Hamptons. Which to everyone's expense was a good hour and a half outside of the city. But no one cared because it was equivalent to parties you'd only read about in books and there was an open bar.