No Love Attached

chapter twenty six : anniversary

| No Love Attached |
chapter twenty six : anniversary
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     Today was the day I had been preparing for all year. It had this irritating habit of sneaking up on me, sucking the little life my soul still had, and then going just as quickly as it came, leaving me with dread waiting for it to come again in 365 days.

     There was always this feeling on the anniversary, this gut feeling, like I just knew it was the day. I didn't have to look at the calendar or even remember it. The weight of Josh always fell especially heavy on my boney shoulders. My entire memory could be wiped and I know something would still feel horribly wrong about January 17th.

     The number four had been sticking out to me all week. Whether it be a page number, the amount of unread emails, or an address. It was there, like the devil himself was taunting me with reminders, as if I didn't have enough already.

     It wasn't until I was dialing Matthew Lewis' number when I counted that it had four fours in it. After two long rings, the line picked up.

     "I was just about to call you," was his greeting. There was no hello in his strained, raspy voice.

     "Tough day. I just wanted to check in," I said, carefully.

    There was a short pause before he spoke again. "Tough day, indeed. Thank you. How are you? You okay?"

     "Yeah, I'm getting there. I never thought I'd say this, but I just want to be back home." Flashes of my penthouse came and went, sending pangs of sadness.

     "If you need to fly home for a couple days to decompress, the company would pay for it. You could come to the house for dinner. Eileen would love that." He lied.

     The truth was Eileen Lewis could barely look at me. She was a tough woman. Someone I respected. We had always got along well. But ever since Josh died, I could feel it was too hard for her to be around me. Maybe I reminded her too much of him or what should have been.

     "That sounds lovely," I also fibbed. The last thing I could handle was another awkward dinner with Eileen, who would be tense and avoiding eye contact, Matthew trying to keep things light, photos of Josh hung everywhere like a shrine, and none of us talking about the deceased elephant in the room.

     I knew I had to tell him about Alec. Now that I was on the phone with him, it couldn't wait any longer.

     "Matthew, there's something I need to tell you," I paused, trying to find the words, "I hate myself for even bringing it up today of all days. I've been holding off, but um, yesterday the situation escalated."

     "Vera, what's wrong? What's going on?"

      "It's Alec. He's been making me uncomfortable since I got here. And it's been getting worse recently. At first, it was just inappropriate, sexual comments. But he's tried to get physical with me on more than one occasion, Matthew. I don't even want to think about what he tried to do yesterday. I can't do this anymore. I will not work for him." My anger was rising with each word, without me realizing it. I hadn't meant for my volume to have gotten as loud as it did.

      There was another pause. Only this one was long enough to tell me everything I already knew and feared. All I could hear was the sound of a deep sigh.