Funhouse (Incomplete)

Twenty Three. Alexia.

          The grumble of the engine is the only thing that can be heard on the drive home. It's long and slightly awkward even though we're only on the other side of town. We drop Tay off after agreeing to meet at the bus stop in an hour, and then we drive back into the open blocks.

          "You can just take me back to yours if you want. It's not exactly far," I suggest, catching Andrea's eye in the rear-view mirror.

          "No no, it's fine," she insists. I decide not to argue and smile gratefully before turning my vision back to the window. She pulls into my driveway and I thank her, hopping out onto the bricks. As she drives off, I stare after her, longing for Trystan's head to pop out of the window and grin back at me. I bite my lip and go inside, dragging my heels as I climb the stairs. It takes all my effort to get ready, especially to do my make up. It's not like I have anyone to impress anyway. I check the time and realise I still have a while before I've agreed to meet Tay so I plug my earphones in and turn up the volume until I think the button's broken. Of course the first song to come on shuffle would be the saddest song I know.

          My finger hovers over the skip button but as soon as the lyrics kick in, my hand drops back to my side and I sink to the floor. Each word seems to slice my heart in half one more time and I resist the urge to fight back tears, letting them rush down my cheeks as fast as the speed of my heart when I'm around Trys. Even now, the thought of him brings butterflies to my stomach. Even now he's not here. Even now after almost three years. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

          The steady strum of the guitar fades away and I lean my head against the wall, questioning why I agreed to meet Tay. Why I'm not out looking for him like everyone else. Maybe it's a defence mechanism, a way to stop myself from facing the truth. That Trys could be gone forever. I bang my head against the wall. That thought hurts. But the pain from the hit drowns the hurt a little and I do it again, hitting the wall with force. Again and again. Harder and harder. I wonder if I'm trying to hit the thought out of my head. I shrug and carry on. Again and again. Harder and harder. Until all the pain of losing him is muted by the throbbing in the back of my skull.

          I slow my breath and move my head from the wall, gritting my teeth and taking out my earphones. As I attempt to stand up, the components of my room start to spin, hurling me into a whirlpool. I widen my eyes but it does nothing. I rub my eyes but it does nothing. I feel myself tumble sideways, and reach for my phone. Somehow my mad scramble works and I'm able to grab it but the screen blurs as I attempt to read it and I put it back down. Darkness crowds the edge of my vision as I strive to get back up, my skull still pulsating with pain. I squeeze my eyes shut. 1... 2... 3... I feel a cold draught o my arm. 4... 5... 6... The banging in my head slows. 7... 8... 9... I take a deep breath. 10. I open my eyes.

          It's there. A swirling mass of blackness, blocking the doorway to my room. Its eyes hold that hint of glee yet again. Its face hidden, but its lips visible, again holding that smirk. And then I blink. And then it's gone.