The Truth About Love (Stan x Kyle)

Night in the Woods

Today, Mr Garrison was actually teaching us sometime useful. A miracle, I know; I think the school board was getting on his ass again. I already knew it back to front already but a lot of the class didn't. Mr Garrison was teaching the class exactly how our Island is split up.

"Now listen here. This big oval looking thing over here is where we live, okay?" he said pointing to the large map on the wall; it's faded colours made the whole Island look quite abysmal. "And the Goddamn fucking humans in the South have a slightly bigger half of the oval." Fatass likes to constantly remind me of this fact. "But that's only because about three hundred years ago two kingdoms joined together. It's actually a little more completed than that. Due to a war a couple decades back it will only truly be owned again by the humans when Kenny and Cartman marry, okay? But we don't have to go into that in great detail. The smaller one is lead currently by Princess Kenny's parents and is made up of both humans and orcs, which is why Kenny is a retard human orc child, okay? Anyway, Kenny's kingdom too is to God damn poor to survive on its own so the larger one, led by that fat fuck Eric, took it over and now they make up Zaron with the Kingdom of Kuppakeep being the capital. Now we own this piece of land here. It's called Larnion and its capital is Ottashington." Said Mr Garrison pointing to the north. "We do share Larnion with the Northerners as they want our protection. Now, the Northerner's are those strange people with the flappy heads and beady eyes, like Kyle's brother. Who, quite frankly, should all be murdered, or put on a boat to some other God damn place."

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with my brother!" I yell at Mr Garrison.

"Yes, there is Kyle, they speak a different language, and they have a different alphabet, which I had to learn thanks to the God damn principle of this school! They're evil and should die like the gays." Saying buddy, guy and friend is not a different language! I think fuming in my chair.

"Mr Garrison you are gay!" I yell at him. Stan kicks me, trying to remind what happened last time someone tried to convince Mr Garrison he was gay. Let's just say it was a long useless process that brought us back to where we started. Personally, I'm just glad he isn't running the privy council anymore.

After class I was still grumbling but Stan reminded me what was happening this afternoon and I quickly perked up. A wide grin spread across my face. A massive event was happening. The first sporting event between our kingdom and Kuppakeep since the genocide. It just so happened to be our class versus Cartman's. Stan was very pumped. I only really got pumped when Mom me told Cartman had tried to have our water drugged with Viagra. Let's just say I was ready to pound his fatass into the ground.

The sun was shining down on us brightly, as if routing for us as well. The fresh smell of grass was empowering and revitalising. There was no contest. Although our team was terrible Cartman's was ten times worse. He kept yelling at his team when they did anything wrong. I think they got a bit fed up and even started rooting for us. Just before the whistle blew I scored the last touchdown giving us a landslide win over the KKK.

"Fuck you guys! You cheated!" yelled Cartman.

"No, we didn't fatass; we won fair and square and you know it!" I yelled back.

"Screw you Kahl, you dirty Jew, you cheated and I know you did!"

"He did not fatass, you just won't admit you're too fucking fat to beat us." Said Stan.

"Aye shut up! I'm gonna get you fags back for this!"

"Bring it on!" I said glaring him down.

"Oh, I will Kahl, mark my words, I will." He said threateningly before turning on his heel and walking away. I didn't think much of it at the time, but I really should have.

A day or so after, Stan and I snuck out of the castle and into the forest. We were doing a little combat training in a forest clearing. The night's air was cold but energising. The trees stood tall and green around us, illuminated clearly by the full moon. I was busy working on my magic skills. Welding my golf club and practicing the levitation of objects. Okay, so I know a golf club doesn't sound very awesome but when you're choosing a staff to do magic with you use the object you connect the best with. For me, for some reason, that's a golf club. Mom thinks it's because I connect with the people. I think it's because the universe is trying to spite me. I managed to attack Stan with the butt of his own sword, which he was not too pleased about.

We were on our way back when Stan told me to freeze. I sensed what he did only a moment after. We weren't alone. There were fifty, maybe sixty, people hidden in the trees surrounding. Sparky growled at Stan's feet. Stan immediately jumped in front of me, sword drawn. I left my sword in its sheath and welded my golf club menacingly. I swear it looked scarier than it sounds.

The men jumped out at Stan. I shocked them all with lightning. About half of them fell to the ground with a sizzle and a thud. Stan efficiently sliced down man after man as they ran at him. The wizards volleyed attacks at us. I deflected them back. I'd lost count of how many had fallen. The reminder, about twelve people, were all attacking Stan. I attacked individuals with bolts of lightning. Sprayed others with fire. One ran past Stan. I knocked him out with my golf club. Another followed suite. I knocked him out with his own sword. My attention turned to Stan. He was struggling. He wasn't going to last long. Frantically, I knocked out another couple by levitating some branches. The loud violent striking slash of swords was almost deafening. Stan anticipated every attack. Not missing a beat. Parrying two at once. Taking a moment to bash off another. Kicking the last in the shin. Sparky was biting the leg of one of them, drawing blood.

"Kyle!" yelled Stan in amongst the clashing of swords. "Get back to the palace! I'll hold them off." He barked at me, however, since his attention was on me, one of them cut a deep wound into his shoulder. Crimson red sprayed out. He yelled out in pain. But kept on fighting, just as fiercely.

I couldn't leave him. That was out of the question. Another cut to his leg. A deep stab to his stomach. One way too close to his heart. He was losing blood fast. I had to do something. I couldn't control all four swords at once. That would be too complicated. I didn't have time to take them out individually. Stan might be killed before I was finished. I could freeze them all. It would knock me out at the very least. Kill me at worst. But this was Stan's life. I didn't have a choice. 

Xxx

Hey guys, thanks for reading! The privy council is a group of people who advise a monarch if anyone is wondering. There are no presidents in this universe so Mr Garrison had to be head of that instead. Ottashington is a portmanteau of Washington, D.C (Murica's capital) and Ottawa (Canada's capital). If you don't understand anything I've written or you spot a grammar/spelling mistake please let me know! Comments and votes appreciated and have an awesome day~

P.S, anyone else watch Jacksepticeye play Night in the Woods? (title of this chapter) I loved it!