The Truth About Love (Stan x Kyle)

Chic With A Dick

He laid them out on the blood red carpet in front of me. "Why the fuck did you do that!" I yelled into my parka. Even though I already knew. I saw Tweek stir and sit up slowly, rubbing his head. I could see Craig's chest moving up and down as well. They're alive. Thank God. Tweek saw Craig on the ground next to him, crawled over to him and gently placed his head in his lap. Cartman just laughed.

"I have spies everywhere Princess. I've had Butters following you since I murdered Kyle's parents. He reported your little plan straight to me." God fucking damnit! Fucking Butters. I had noticed Butters following me as well. He's fucking terrible at it. I made a rookie mistake! A rookie fucking mistake! I guess I got too caught up in the fact that Kyle's parents were dead that I didn't think about discreetness. "Fucking barbarian took out about thirty guards before they managed to knock him down and the fag thief here managed to rip up our marriage contract before I knocked him out. But no matter. We can just make a new one." He said smiling at me.

"Like that's fucking happening! I'll spend the reminder of my days rotting in prison first!" I spat at him. Cartman just smiled at me and clapped his hands twice.

"Girls! Boys! In here!" He commanded authoritatively. About fifteen children walked into the room followed by Karen, my little sister, who was struggling against a guard. All other thoughts flew out of my mind.

"Karen! Let her go!" I ran over to the guard and kicked him hard in the shin. He yelled out in pain and let go of her. I picked Karen up and held her to me tightly. She was shaking.

Eric stood to the side, watching the scenario with an amused expression. "Do you remember about a month ago when you pushed for there to be the death sentence for anyone who committed rape?" No. No no no no no no no!

"I didn't push for the death sentence. I said they should be put in jail for a number of years!" I yelled at him, already guessing his sick plan.

He chuckled at me. Fucking bastard. "I was just so impassioned by your inspirational speeches darling. I realised how important the issue was, and how severely it should be punished." I thought I had actually got through to him for once. That he was actually listening to me. How stupid can I get?! It was just another cog in his malicious ticking clock. "Well these poor, delightful little children are all willing to testify, in great detail, about how Karen over there raped them." Those poor children. I couldn't blame them for lying. Cartman was probably threatening their families and their own lives. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Craig stir back in consciousness. He quickly assessed the situation and decided to flip off Cartman. He sat up slowly and Tweek held him in a tight embrace from behind.

"Now, how about we get another contract drawn up? Maybe with an earlier date?" he walked over to me and placed his fat hands on my shoulders. I could feel his awful breath on my face. "Soon we'll be wed and I'll have my dick in your vage every day. And if you think for a second you can go on whoring around when we're married you've got another thing coming." I was enraged beyond belief at this point. I wanted fire multiple arrows into his oversized heart.

"You will never have your dick in my vagina." I said and spat in his face. He wiped it off and smirked at me.

"I think you'll find I can be very persuasive." He said stroking my hair.

"That's not the reason!" I yelled hugging Karen tighter, who now had tears streaming down her face. "I don't have a vagina. I have a dick Cartman! I have a dick!" I yelled at the low pitch my voice actually was. The pitch I try so hard to hide every fucking day. The whole room stared at me in shook.

"What? You're... a dude?" Cartman said completely and utterly confused.

"No, I'm a chic with a dick!" I yelled back at him. My low voice sounding strange to my own ears. Cartman starting laughing at me. Craig flipped him off with his other hand.

"This is sweet," he said between laughs, "you're just giving me more leverage. You really think your people will fucking accept you if they find out the truth? This could lose you the fucking throne. Let's go draw up another contract. Come on Kenny." He said smiling to himself, already walking out the room. Does he not care that I have a dick? Wait, that's not important right now.

"They will accept me. I've been accepted before. I just have to persuade them. I'm not signing another fucking contract!" I said trying to think fast. I can jump out the window with Karen. We can flee. I'll work everything out after that. Cartman froze just before he reached the door. He snapped his fingers and around hundred guards marched in, surrounding me, Tweek and Craig. Shit.

"You... told someone before me?" he said sounding deadly serious and angry for the first time. "That means that there's someone you trust. Someone you care about more than me!" he screeched at me. "It's not the fucking fags over there. They still look fucking shocked." He half muttered to himself. "Who else are you even fucking close to though? I limit your interactions so thoroughly that..." He trailed off. The room was deadly quiet. "THAT FUCKING JEW!" was all he screamed as he ran out of the room.

The guards pointed their wands at me. Everything went black.

Xxx

After we bonded Stan became more attached to my hip than he was previously, which a lot of people didn't think was possible. He was giving me so much love, adoration and affection that I was starting to question whether I loved my best friend or if I was in love with him. The distinction was getting hard. He was acting just as he always does, except it seem magnified now. Like the bond was trying to show me some deep truth.

All these thoughts made the letter I received a lot harder to handle.

I was sitting at my desk, reading mail and listening to the weirdly comforting sound of Stan's sword fighting four men at once. Stan wasn't getting any better at adjusting to distance between us so I'd taken it upon myself to keep him with me at all times. I'm sure there were rumours going around but I didn't really give a shit. They were the least of my worries. I was pretty happily sorting through letters (complaints) when one caught my eye. A dark storm cloud of a letter. Chicken scratch writing which could only belong to the fattest chicken of a man I know. I was tempted to throw it into the fire, but my curiosity got the better of me, as I'm sure Cartman knew it would.

My Dearest Jew,

First and foremost, it is an unpleasant surprise to find you are still alive. I do believe your faggy boyfriend, Stan, saved your life and you saved his. Please believe me when I say that I am disappointed and hate you both equally. Actually, I still hate you slightly more, Kyle, because you are a filthy ginger Jew Elf.

But that's beside the point. I've found out that Kenny is also a filthy fag and, in fact, he must be fucking gay with you because he fucking told you already! So, you've got a choice, Kyle; give yourself up to me or I will personally execute Kenny myself! And if you're thinking 'but I need his lands this is a bluff' it's actually not because I got Kenny to sign the land over in exchange for not murdering his sister. I sent a copy of the document in case you don't believe me.

You will meet my men at the border between our lands, in the dark forest, at midnight tonight. The exchange will take place there. No more than thirty men will accompany the Princess, you have my word. Any funny business on your side and I will have Kenny's entire family, Tweek and Craig murdered because I know you're a fucking push over who cares about that shit.

Just to stress this again, if you don't show I will have Kenny publicly and painfully executed. And I'll throw his family, Tweek and Craig in prison.

Yours truly, TheGrand Wizard King.

Xxx

Hey guys~ Tweek and Craig aren't actually dead. Sorry about that troll. Have an awesome day~