The Flame (sequel to Kidnapped by Kylo Ren)

Chapter 17

Eventually my eyelids slid shut and I dreamt of better times, warmer places, and of being with Kylo. 

_____

*****

My eyes slowly opened in response to the Jakku sunlight streaming into the cockpit where I slept. 

It had been a full week since I'd landed on Jakku and met up with Giano. No force reach-outs from Kylo, no contact from the First Order, no fighting. I was beginning to think we were unreachable. 

Giano and I had mainly only gotten the food we needed for the day, gotten to know each other a little bit, and enjoyed the peace. 

A few days ago I realized something -- if the First Order were never to find us and if I were never to go back, then this situation would probably become my life. Sitting and talking with Giano and getting food on Jakku. 

I cringed away from the thought. It felt as if there were no purpose to this life. I essentially completed nothing. I couldn't live this way forever. I decided that if I remained separated from the First Order then I would find myself a better life to live than to merely eat, sit, and chat. I would find myself a job, somewhere. I just couldn't do nothing. 

That kind of life assumes that I would never see Kylo Ren again. The thought of that spreads a cold emptiness throughout my chest, causes my limbs to freeze in place and my eyes to glaze over. The thought of never seeing him again makes me temporarily lose function. 

So even if I do remain separate from the First Order, I have to wonder how long I'd last without Kylo. 

And that's how I knew I'd have to go back to the First Order eventually. Because while I betrayed the entire organization and would probably face trial and imprisonment (and potentially execution, based on how the entire Legion of Chrome thing plays out), I know that I could never leave the situation with Kylo to die out. 

Even if that entire organization opposes me, even if my dark knight did attack me, even if he cast me to the side, no longer loving me, I'd have to go back. I love Kylo so deeply and he is so necessary to me that I couldn't live out my life not knowing how our story together ends. 

I opened the ship and let myself climb down the ladder to start my day. 

Even though I have to go back to the First Order, I have to go back at the right time, I thought to myself as I slid down the rungs. 

The moment my feet hit the sand I stumbled to my left, dizzy. Then my stomach began to twist and turn and I was on my hands and knees before I knew it, vomiting up last night's dinner. 

When I finished I remained on all four for several moments, panting in the already smoldering heat. 

"Nira? Are you alright?!" Giano exclaimed in urgent tones, and I knew he was getting out of his ship to come down to me. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I waved him away, pushing myself to my feet. 

Giano rushed to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure? It's just --"

"I said I'm fine!" I snapped, and then added, "I'm going into town to get rations. Are you coming?" 

Giano haltered for a moment, temporarily stunned by my attitude. I didn't care. 

"Uh, yeah, I will. Hold on for a second." He recovered, and I waited for him to run back to his ship. 

When we made our way into the city center I began regretting how I got snippy with him, but I didn't say anything about it.