Dear Diary

Epilogue

10 years later:

The concept of duality, it was the first thing that I wrote about in this diary.
There are two aspects to everything, the benefit giving aspect and the benefit receiving aspect.
Back then, I wasn't receiving any benefit, there was so much wrong with me.
And now, now I am receiving my share of the benefit.

I smile wistfully, as I flick away a happy tear.

"Fuck you travis!"

"I'm scared my fire of passion won't burn long and hot enough to compare with that of Brandon's"

"I just want my mother back"

So much pain, so much pessimism that I could see nothing in my future.

But now, a decade later, here I am, sifting through the pages of my life, as I hear my son laughing because his father is tickling him.

My storm has finally returned to being a whiff of breeze.

The weather seems to reciprocate my feelings too, as every teardrop falls with every raindrop.
The plants in my garden, a legacy of my father, smile upon the sky.
Even nature is in sync with me today.

I close my eyes as the swing on our porch rocks back and forth and creaks under my weight.
My son's laughter continues to fill my ears with noise and my heart with joy.

It is a sudden realization, like a lightning bolt, that I've made it.
A whiff of breeze caresses my face.
See, even the heavens agree.

This road to self satisfaction wasn't easy, it was like walking on burning coal.
I bear my scars with pride.

Every tear I shed, every crack in my heart, every smile, every sob, I bear it with pride.

You don't realize you're losing something until it's gone, now I look in the mirror every morning and realize that my old and sad self is gone.

Today, my husband was cleaning the attic and found my old diary sitting in one of my old boxes. He asked if I wanted it, of course I said yes.

It's been a decade.
A decade.
I persisted, I persisted still.

So much has happened, that I don't know where or how to start.

The last time I wrote, there were certain relationships that I needed to mend, and you have absolutely no idea just how happy it makes me to tell you that I mended them.

I mended almost everything.

10 years ago, as my high school graduation came nearer and nearer, so did someone else, my mother.
After I graduated high school with flying colors, my mom actually tried to quit drinking.

Upon discussion with her, she was admitted to rehab, which turned out to be the best decision ever.

I was only hoping that our relationship would be normal, but I got more than what I wished for.

In the woman who was in rehab, not only did I find a mother but also a friend that every daughter needs.

Her therapist there told me, in one of our family therapy sessions, that my mom's drinking rooted from a lot of different emotions.
Regret and memories, mostly.