Acquaintances

Chapter 31: A Drunken Mind...

Songs:

Tokyo – the wombats

Hungover- Kesha

 HARRY’S POV

 She’s a fucking mess.

I’ve never seen her so drunk in my 5 years of knowing her and I know it’s my fault.

She thinks she’s running quite fast away from me but I only have to jog slowly to stay pretty close to her.

“Lola are you just going to run all night? We’re nowhere near your apartment, where are you running to?!” I call after her, increasing my speed slightly to catch up to her as she steps down off the pavement and onto the road, not even looking both ways before crossing. She’s going to get herself killed.

I run a hand through my messy hair, how I got stuck chasing after drunk Lola running through the streets of London? If it was someone else she probably wouldn’t be running.

Because I exploded at her…I let my anger get the better of me and I flew off the handle…she deserved it though.

I think.

I definitely wouldn’t have been so mean if I’d known this would’ve been the outcome.
I grab hold of her wrist after we’ve crossed the street, pulling her back towards me.

“Why are you even chasing me Harry? You don’t give a fuck about me.” She pulls her arm out of my grip and takes off again, not running in a straight line at all and I’m worried she’s going to attract the wrong sort of attention soon. Her shorts have ridden up way too high and half of her arse is on display, which has sparked my jealousy and the second I’m within reach I’m going to pull them down to hide it.

She stammers from side to side on the sidewalk and I roll my eyes, this is going to be a long night.

“Can you fuck off?” She hisses, looking back at me for a second and I’m overwhelmed by the tears that are streaming down her cheeks, and the pain in her eyes. What is really wrong here?
 “That’s not going to happen so why don’t you just stop running and let me get you home?” I sigh.

“Why? So you can feel reassured that I’m safe?” She snarls, stopping and turning around to face me, her eyes now full of venom in an attempt to hide her pain no doubt.

“Yes, of course.”
“Wellll if you cared so much about me, you wouldn’t say shit like that to me!” She raises her voice suddenly, stumbling slightly on her feet.

“Shit like what?” I ask, my voice calm as if I’m talking to a child because I may as well be.

“Like what you said back there!” She gestures wildly back in the direction of where we came from.

“It’s because I care Lola, I probably care too much.” I tell her, irritated.

“Well you do a really shit job of showing it!” She exclaims.
“Let’s not talk about who’s doing a shitty job of showing they care because you’re going to lose that battle, lawyer or not.” I shake my head at her, even drunk she’s fucking argumentative. Should’ve known better than to fall in love with a lawyer, never going to with an argument. Hell, should’ve known better than to fall in love with my best friend. I did know better, but she’s so damn persuasive.

“What do you want me to say Harry? That I’m sorry? I’m sorry I’m a shitty person and that I fucking suck on all accounts?! I can’t do anything right anymore! I do what I want to do and it’s bound to hurt someone, but then I don't do what I want and I'm  unhappy?! I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I have no idea who I am, don’t you understand that? No, you wouldn’t because your career is so perfectly mapped out for you now and I have fuck all idea what I’m doing with my life! I have absolutely no idea who I am and I’m failing at trying to figure it out, I want to be single but I want to be with Matt because right now he’s what makes me happy, and then at the same time I want to be with you because you…you’re you, but you hurt me and I am still struggling so hard to move past that, and I want to be with Louis because I feel like I just get him and he makes me happy too but he cheated on me and I can’t move past that either, and then throw in the list where I have to be single for a year but it’s not that fucking easy when you know at the end of the year you’re going to have to make a life changing decision because I can’t handle that pressure. I cant’ handle any pressure full stop anymore. Everything was so simple before we…I was a lawyer, I loved my job, I loved the control I had and I loved knowing that every once in a while I got to help someone, and I had you, I had my best friend and he was my number one, always. But something switched, maybe the stars aligned or some shit but something happened that made me realise that wasn’t enough anymore and everything got turned upside down. In this past year alone I’ve been in love with 3 different guys, I’ve moved to New York, I’ve quit my job, I’ve fought with my Mum for the first time in forever, I’ve contemplated changing my whole life plan and I’m still no fucking further to figuring out who I am. If you happen to find out please let me know because I have no clue and I’m so lost.” Her voice is pained, tears streaming down her eyes as she speaks and her sentences are no where near as well-worded as they would be if she was sober. She is sobbing as she turns away to walk off on me, but her heel collapses under her, bringing her to the floor to land on her ankle.