Little Black Dress

Chapter Nineteen

Harry's POV -  June 12th 2017 (Album One Month Old) 

My baby is out for the world to see, hear and critique.  It's been a crazy month full of press, paps, politics and a lot of well a lot of other p words as you can imagine.  

My penchant for Dom Perignon has not changed and yip, I've drunk a little bit in the last month.  I couldn't have done it without my girl.  My beautiful Becca.  She's listened to me bitch and moan when I was tired, put me to bed when I drunk too much , sat with me in various Radio Studios around the country and made sure I was dressed impecicably.  She's one in a million and I love her.  Shit, I love her!  Fuck!  

That crept up on me quickly.  We've been spending so much time together and the more we do the more I want.  She keeps me sane, grounded with her sassy wit and banter and I can see a future for us - that is until some fucker from the press or an "ex" with an axe to grind stuffs it up or she leaves me.  I can't think about this right now.  I've got far too much to deal with and I need to focus on the latest thing which is shooting the clip for "Sign Of The Times".

We've decided to be bold and do something a little different.  I don't actually know why Jeffrey agreed to it but there you go.  The plan is to head to Scotland - Isle of Skye.  I'm going to be suspended by cables from a Helicopter and walk across water and fly through the air (well a stunt double will do that bit) we're going to have majestic fly overs the Isle and my voice will be soaring as the film takes everyone on a journey.  It will start with me just walking then gradually build up and I'll be lifted into the Sky.  Crazy? Yip.  Genuis?  Definately.

I head in to make-up and a cast is made of my face.  It feels cold and kind of weird.  Once its dried and set its the weirdest thing I've ever seen.  The stunt double will be wearing it and it will be shot on a wide angle so its fine.   We chat with the director he goes through the safety briefing with us.  Its important that everyone knows what to do and in the event of something untoward happening.  I'm pretty happy with everything so I head into talk to my lovely Louise.  She's chosen a Blue Over Coat, White Cable knit Jumper , fitted black pants, finished off with polished black boots.  I try it all on and Lou makes the necessary adjustments.  Becca isn't here but I want to show her what we have decided on so I send her a pic and message.  Her reply is so lovely and I want to kiss her and show her how much she means to me. 

"You'd look stunning in a paper bag handsome.  Lou has as usual picked winners.  They'll look fantastic.  See you later and have a great rest of the day" xx

I smile like a love sick idiot for a nano second and get back to the task at hand.  The clothes are placed in bags and put away for the shot.  It looks like we will be heading over at the beginning of next week  to start filming.  Our crew has to assemble and we have to have the track just right before anything can be confirmed.  It's going to be quite different shooting a VT on my own without four other lads with me but I am up for the challenge.  This whole process has been such a crazy learning curve and I've put my heart and soul into everything on this record.  The months writing, the late nights programming, adjusting, re-writes everything.  But you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way.  I am so fucking proud of what the crew has done.  I don't think I'll ever be able to thank them enough. 

Jeffrey chats away to the execs and I politely join in and make the right sounds saying how "great this is" and "what an opportunity" blah blah.  Don't get me wrong I'm not ungrateful but  my face hurts because I'm being "Smiley Happy Harry".  It's what everyone expects. Sometimes I just want to scream, curl up in a little ball and go to sleep.  I haven't slept for the last five years and today I am especially tired.  I'm repeating positive mantras in my head and I soon snap out of my funk.  I just miss Becca, Mum, my bed in Holmes Chapel, her hugs, drinking tea in the kitchen talking to Robin about stuff, you know "normalcy" whatever that is. 

"Where all done salt" Lou replies.  "I'll see you on Monday yeah?".  "You will Lou, give Luxy a huge snuggle for me will you".  "I will".  Lou gives me a huge hug, she knows when I need it. "It's ok hun, just breathe yeah? You've got this, just trust yourself".  "Thanks Lou" I reply.  "I needed that".   With that she's gone.  I love Lou to bits.  She's always been there for me.  When I was organising my tour there was only one person I wanted to be my "right hand man". Lou.  She was so happy that I'd asked her to come on this crazy journey with me.  It wouldn't have felt right to have anyone else.  I'd have felt like I was cheating on her. 

I say Goodbye to the execs and Jeff and head out to my car for home.  I'm shattered and all I want to do is go to bed.  I ease the Range out of the Carpark and onto the road.  Somehow the paps have been tipped off and there are a few waiting at the gate.  I wave politely as they snap their pics and drive off to Homestead. I turn my Ipod on and blast Kings of Leon.  I haven't seen Nathan for ages and I need to make a point of catching up with him whilst I'm in the States.  We've written a few songs together and I'd like to record them.  I diary it in my I phone and continue on driving.

My phone starts ringing and I see its Mum.  I switch the Ipod off and push the speaker button.  "Hello love" "Hi Mum, what's up, hows Robin"?  Mum sounds shattered.  "He's ok love, just very tired, I'm worried that he's in pain but he won't say, you know he doesn't want to make a fuss".  I indeed know.  Robin is such a patient man, never complains about anything.  "Whats the latest news from the Oncologist" I ask. "Do they know what's happening"?  I can tell Mum's trying to keep it together. "Not long now love, he's not got long, so were making the most of each day". "Today we sat out in the garden and watched the Cats chase the butterflies".  "We had some lovely home made Lemonade and Dee stopped by and brought us some Bacon and Chive Scones and Pumpkin Soup, was just what we needed".  I pulled over on the side of the road.  "I'm coming home Mum, I'm going to pick up Becca and we're coming home ok"?  Mum then promptly bursts into tears.  "That would be really lovely Harry, I'll tell Robin.  He'll be so pleased to see you".   

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We pull into the driveway and I'm instantly stress free.  This place, my safe place, my sanctuary, my normal, home.  Becca's hand slips from mine.  She's held it all the way from London, rubbing reassuring circles telling me that it's ok and to just breathe.  I'm feeling calm, relaxed.  The door opens and Mum comes out.  I jump from my car seat and give her the biggest hug.  I don't let go and she doesn't either.  We just stand there and I can feel her sobs, her tired body against mine. She kisses my cheek.  "Good to see you darling, Robin is so thrilled you are here".  Mum then wraps Becca in a warm hug.  "Hello Becca love, thank you for coming with Harry, it's lovely to see you again".  "You to Anne, how's that lovely man of yours". Mums shoulders slump. "Today's a good day" she says, "he's so excited you two are here".  "Well I'm glad we are here too, replies Becca, can't wait to have cuddles with Dusty and Dotty".