Dancing With The Devil

Chapter 4

The drops silently onto the floor as I stand there. I feel like someone is choking me. My throat is dry and my fingers feel numb. My chest feels like it's caving into itself and I find it hard to breathe. Caleb walks back inside of the living room and looks at me strangely.
     "Jace, is everything okay?" I don't answer him and I sit down on the couch. My fingers curl into the fabric of the sofa so hard that it almost rips. My gaze stays locked on the letter on the ground and Caleb follows it. He picks up the letter from the floor. As he reads on, Caleb's eyes widen to the point where they're almost out of their sockets.
     I can tell that he's finished reading it but his eyes stay glued on the paper. When his eyes finally lift up to meet mine, they hold the same anxiety and fear that I feel. He's about to say something but before he can, I jump out of the couch and run up the stairs to my room. I shut the door and sit down on my bed.
    Harry sits besides me and I pick him up, holding him tightly to my chest. My heart hurts as I look at the black stitches in his neck. I remember where they came from. They were from the man who was supposed to take care of me. Instead he just abused and raped me my entire life. My arms skim over the scars that adorn the skin of my arms and stomach. I'm just like Harry. Meant to be loved and taken care of but instead, I was just abused and ripped to shreds.
     And the same man that did all of this to me is asking for me to come see him. I feel a spark of anger in my chest and I squeeze Harry a little tighter. Once I realize what I'm doing, I quickly soften my grip on Harry. I don't want to cause him anymore harm than what he has already suffered. As for me, I'm a lost cause.
     A knock brings me out of my thoughts and I look at the door. Caleb walks inside and sits at the bottom of the bed. He gently touches my foot and although I know that it's meant to be reassuring, I flinch away. Caleb sighs. He looks hurt and I feel bad for flinching away from him. I can't help it though. Memories of my dad flood my mind and I bury my head into Harry's soft fur. I feel the bed dip beside me and Caleb puts his arm around my shoulder. He leans my head on his shoulder as we sit in silence.
    I'm grateful that he doesn't try to tell me any 'reassuring' words because I honestly just don't feel like hearing it. "Do you wanna see him," he asks. When I don't answer, his question hangs in the air like a curse.
    "I don't know," I answer honestly. Part of me never wants to see my dad again. It hopes that he rots in jail, paying for all of the things that he's done to me. Another part of me wants closure. It wants to know why my dad did the things that he did. Maybe even find out more about my mom. He clearly loved her. He loved her enough to kill someone for her. He loved me so much that he killed Kyle.
     At the thought of Kyle's death, my eyes water. He didn't deserve it. It was a terrible way for him to go and he didn't deserve it at all. Kyle was a nice person who deserved a lot better. But I got him killed. My dad killed him without a second thought and didn't even think about it.
      "I never want to see him," I say breaking the silence. Caleb doesn't say anything but I feel him nod. My arms begin to itch terribly but I resist the urge to scratch them. Especially in front of Caleb. If he sees me scratching my arms, he'll definitely freak out. I don't need for him to worry about me. Instead, I bask in the feeling of comfort and peace as me and Caleb sit, just enjoying each other's company.

         +++++++++++++++++++++++++

    "Hi Jace," the receptionist greets me. I offer a small smile in response but it's mostly forced. I normally would go into a full-blown conversation with the nice lady but I can't today. I've been waiting a week to finally talk to Mrs.Conwell.
I need to tell her about everything that's going on at home. Ever since I received the letter from my dad, I've almost relapsed twice. I need to find a way to stop my urges before I fall back into my old habit. Unconsciously begin to scratch at my arms as the receptionist types my name into the computer. "Alright, go on ahead Jace," she says.
As soon as the words leave her mouth, I walk as fast as I can down the hallway. The hallway begins to seem longer than ever before now that I actually want to be here. When I first came to the Clinical Building, the hallway always seemed too short.
I finally make it to Mrs.Conwell's office and knock on the door. She's told me many times before that I didn't have to knock before coming in. She knows who I am and what time I come but I feel impolite by just walking inside. I don't hear a response, so I knock again. Mrs.Conwell doesn't answer and I begin to grow worried. I slowly turn the knob and open the door. The office is empty and I walk inside. Mrs.Conwell's notepad and pen sit on the chair in front of the couch like they all do except they're missing the owner. I walk towards Mrs.Conwell's desk and curiously look at the papers on it. I'm hoping to find a note for me saying that she had to go somewhere. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice something on the floor.
To my horror, I see Mrs.Conwell laying face first on the floor. I quickly run towards her and kneel down next to her unconscious body. I shake her gently and call her name. I feel something wet on my hand and lift my hand up to see blood. My eyes widen and my breathing becomes faster. My chest heaves as I stare at the blood on my hand. I turn over Mrs.Conwell and the sight that I am greeted with makes me sick to my stomach. I'm sure that my scream was heard a mile away.
Mrs.Conwell's face is beaten in so badly, that if I didn't know who she was, I wouldn't be able to identify. Her face is bashed in completely, pieces of flesh and bones stick out in unnatural ways. I sit next to Mrs.Conwell's body crying and screaming for I don't know how long until the receptionist comes inside of the office. She runs towards me and sees the same sight that I was greeted with. She screams loudly, her hands covering her mouth. "Call an ambulance!" I yell. She stares at me dumbly when I yell at her again. "Call an ambulance!"
The receptionist nods and runs out of the room, presumably to call the cops. I know that it's useless but even so, I feel Mrs.Conwell's neck to check for a pulse. As I expected, there is no pulse. Even though I knew that it wouldn't be there, the lack of a pulse makes me cry even harder. I sob next to Mrs.Conwell's dead body, even when I hear the police come inside of the office.
They pull me away from Mrs.Conwell and I sob even harder. I notice an officer stare in shock at the body. My chest is tight and I can't breathe. The one person that I needed and she's dead. Just like Kyle.
My head is dizzy and my vision blurs. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. The officers don't expect for my body to go slack and when I black-out, they let me fall. My head hits the floor and I'm out like a light.