Mixed Feelings | Natsuki x Yuri | DDLC

I'm Fine

(Warning: Contains Self-harm and or suicidal thoughts.)

(You've been warned)

Natsuki's POV

"You're worthless and should not be apart of this world at all...this world would be a better place if you were gone."

I really am worthless. Maybe what Yuri said was right...maybe I don't even belong here, in this world. I've always wondered what the world would be without me. Maybe the same, but...what would the literature club be without me? Maybe 10x better since I'm always the one that hates on everyone's poem, bringing their self-esteem or confidence down. Maybe I should listen to Yuri's advice. The world would be a better place if I were gone. Haha, maybe I should end it all here right now.

Getting up, I went to the kitchen to look for a knife or any other sharp object that I could get my hands on.

As I search through the kitchen for minutes, I finally found a extremely sharp knife. I wanted to see how sharp it was so I poked at my index finger just a little. Blood started dripping out as soon as I pierced it a little.

This is so sharp...I wonder if it could stab straight through my arm...

No, not yet.

I didn't want to kill myself so easily. I wanted to cut myself to make me feel pain for all the things I said to the literature club and everyone else.

I started dragging the knife down to my left wrist. As soon as I was there, I punctured my skin and traced a whole line down my arm. Blood immediately started seeping out and going down. The thing is...

It didn't hurt.

Instead, it felt really good...the pain wasn't even pain. It was more like relieve or sitting on a comfortable bed. Now I see why people do this.

I started to trace more lines down my wrist until there were like 7 or 6. Blood was covering my entire wrist. You could barely see skin at this point. But the thing is, how will I cover this up? If I just wrapped it around my sleeve then the blood will probably go through it making it obvious that I cut myself.

I needed to think fast. Blood was already on the kitchen counter.

Wait...Gauze!

I have that somewhere in my room. I always kept gauze around incase I get a bad infection, or if I were beat badly, or to cover something up that I didn't want to show to anyone. For this instance, it was the cuts on arm.

I quickly picked up my left arm and put my right arm underneath it to prevent blood hitting the floor. It worked a little as I was hastily running into my room. Once I was in, I went to my closet to try and find the gauze. As I was looking around in the closet, I finally found it and started wrapping my arm with it. I didn't know much about gauze, but I do know how to use it. This is because my father always used to abuse me and hit me with objects. Since my mother died, my father hasn't been in regulation since. He would take all his anger out from work and put it on me. I didn't want to tell my friends since I fear that they'll get hurt if my father finds out. One thing I absolutely didn't tell them was that.....

I wasn't fed at home. On top of the abuse, my father never feeds me since it would waste money. I didn't want to tell them that because I didn't want to seem weak to them and hated people who cared for me since it made me feel like I was a baby. The only positive thing right now is that he's on a business trip for the next two months or so. As I was done with the gauze, I put it back and checked the time.

1:36 A.M

Maybe I should get some hours of rest it. I thought to myself. I should cut myself more often, it feels extremely good.