Mixed Feelings | Natsuki x Yuri | DDLC

Desolate

(This is going to be a relatively short chapter, but next chapter will probably be like, a seven page essay so be prepared for that.)

Yuri's POV

My eyes fluttered open. I looked over to my alarm clock to check what time it was.

2:45 A.M.

Jeez, I woke up way earlier than I thought I would wake up. As I was looking, I start to feel a pair of arms start to wrap around me. I hesitated a little but looked over, shifting my position, to see Natsuki. Her hands were around my waist and I could here her gentle breathing. Too bad this won't last long. I thought to myself. I wanted to get up and go to my antique knife collection so I could cut myself. I've never told anyone about this yet and I don't plan to. Even thought I witnessed Natsuki cutting herself, it wasn't as bad as my cuts. Some were very deep. I sighed to myself as I raised my hand and look at it. With that, my sleeve drooped down and my cuts were visible. Some were new and some were old. I need to get up before Natsuki wakes up. Even though Natsuki most likely wouldn't wake up at this time, it could be possible that she actually can. I start to remove her hands around my waist slowly and gently to not wake her up. After some time her hands were off. I turn back around to my other side and start to get up. From there, I quietly tiptoed out of the room to not make any sound.

Closing the door to my room, I start to walk to the room where my exquisite knives were. A couple seconds later, I was at the door. I opened it to reveal the many knives I've collected. They were all organized and in rows. I walk up to a random one and grab it. The tip of the knife was shiny, so I'm guessing it hasn't been used...

Yet.

I start to roll up my sleeve, since it fell back down after standing up, and proceeded to cut relatively deep. I winced at the pain, but brushed it aside. I don't know why I do this, it just feels extremely good to me. Blood was seeping down like a rainfall. Now for the finale. I raise the knife up in the air and swung it down full force onto my hand. I've never done this before, but I thought it wasn't going to hurt that bad, but boy was I wrong. When the knife made contact with my arm, it went straight through. When it did, I let out a shriek and pulled it out immediately. The pain was so excruciating. It hurt so bad. Blood flowed down my whole arm damping the floors with red crimson. At this moment, I panicked and started to frantically rush around for something to cover my arm. I see a towel folded up and on a desk. I ran over to it and putted it on my wound. Everything around me started to look disoriented. My vision became fuzzy and I couldn't perceive anything. Can't...let...her...see....I try to get up, but fell back down making a thud. I can't even stand, so I had to craw to the door. I raise my right hand to twist the knob as my left hand was throbbing with pain. I opened the door, crawling out and shutting the door back. The towel on my arm now was filled with red. I mean like, FILLED, with red. Bathroom, Bathroom. I thought to myself, slowly crawling over to the bathroom. Once I made it there, I opened the door, closing it and locking it in the process. I put the crimson towel in the laundry basket, and grabbed another one to my side, re-covering it on my arm. Is this what getting shot feels like? It hurts so bad. My vision started to fade away. I felt so weak that I couldn't even move my arms. My body lost all of its initial adrenaline when I first stabbed through my arm. My back was against the door. My eyes started to close and my body started to feel limp. Am I gonna die? Is this what it feels like? I started to panic even more at the thought of my death. How would Natsuki react? What would Monika and Sayori do? A million thoughts flowed through my brain. Alas, my body fell limp, eyes slowly shutting in the process. I muster all the strength I had left to raise my right arm. I look at it one last time. Why did I do this? With that, my arm fell down on the cold ground that was filled with blood. One last thought occurred to me before I "passed" out.

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I'm so sorry...please forgive me...