Keep Holding On

Part Eigteen

It had been a year since I've seen or talked to Ronnie. I tried..... but he refused. I went to his house everyday for a month, hoping he would eventually decide he wanted me again, but he never did.

The last time I went there, I knocked on the
door and Michael answered. He gave me the same pitiful look he always did. "Syd. He says he loves you, but after everything he can't see you. Maybe it's time for you to move on."

I couldn't help the tears that streamed down my face while I begged Michael to let me see Ronnie. He refused to let me in, told me how sorry he was.

I sat on the front porch of his house for the rest of the day, just hoping that he would walk out and talk to me, but he never did. I stayed until I had no tears left to cry, till my eyes refused to stay open, and it was pitch black outside.
I decided then I couldn't keep doing this to myself. If I wasn't what he wanted, the I needed to let him go..... again.

I worked for Carrie for a few more months. Ronnie would come in periodically to see her. It killed me to see him. He would look at me when he thought I wouldn't notice, but that was all. He looked so happy, it tore my heart out. She was sad to see me go but told me she understood. We lost touch with each other after that.

I moved shortly after I quit. I couldn't stay and be so close to him, yet so far away. I would find myself staring out the window, just hoping for a glimpse of him. I was driving myself crazy.
The last night I was in that house, I dreamed of him. I dreamed we were finally happy, we were so much in love, it was perfect. I dreamed of our baby, how he or she would have looked just like Ronnie, or so I hoped. I woke up, disappointed that it wasn't true.

I knew he watched as I loaded up my newly purchased car. I could feel his eyes on me and yet, he didn't try to stop me. All it would have taken was one word and I wouldn't have left.
I started my own baking business out of my new house. I catered some parties and word spread about how good it was. I enjoyed working from my house and being my own boss. It paid the bills, but I wasn't as happy as I was with Ronnie.

I tried dating other men but I always found myself comparing them to Ronnie. It just wasn't fair. I was just descended to be alone. I was grateful for the time we had together, for all the ways he save me and loved me. I still missed him desperately.

I was getting ready for a party I was delivering some food and deserts to. I dressed nice, a black pencil shirt and a while button down shirt. I had cut my hair up to my shoulders and applied a little make up on my face. I wasn't planning on staying long, I just wanted to be alone must of the time. It was hard watching people have what I never would.

I pulled up to the house and parked the car. I started unloading the food onto my cart when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and my eyes widened as I saw Michael standing in front of me.

"Wow, Syd. I thought that was you! How are you?" I looked around, knowing if Ronnie was here, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Umm, I'm fine, I guess." I turned back to finish what I was doing. Once I got these inside and set up, I was free to get out of here.

"He's here you know." I dropped my head and took a shaky breath. "This party is for his birthday." I looked back at him as I felt my heart start pounding in my chest.

"Was it you that called?" He shook his head and smiled.

"It was his dad. He asked where the best place was and of course I immediately thought of you. It wasn't hard to find you, Syd."

I slammed the door and looked around.
"I can't see him, Michael. Can you just take these in and get my check, please?" I knew it would kill me to see him, more so if he was here with another girl. Which I was sure he would be, he could have anyone he wanted, whenever he wanted.

"I think you should come get it yourself. Wouldn't want you to not get paid." I felt my chest start tightening and I knew I was going to panic.

"You know what? I don't even want the money. Just take this stuff inside and I'll just go." I turned to walk away when Michael reached out and gently gripped my arm.

"Sydney. He's never stopped loving you, you know. He talks about you all the time. How he was a fool for what he did, how much he misses you. He even found your house and we drove there. He parked outside but couldn't go to the door. Told me that you were better off without him, he knew he hurt you. He didn't want to upset you." I ran a hand through my hair and looked at him.

"Why are you telling me this? Huh? Are you trying to torture me?" My eyes glazed over with tears and I blinked them back.

"No, I just want you to know, he's as miserable as you are. Just come in and set up. Go from there." I didn't answer him. I started walking to the house with my cart and walked inside.

Michael lead me to the spot and I started setting everything up. I went as fast as I could and when I was finally done, it looked perfect.

"Sydney. This is Russell, Ronnie's dad." I smiled sweetly and shook the hand he offered.

"So, you know my son?" I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to make small talk with him. I just wanted to get out of here before I saw him.

"Yeah... I mean I used to. We don't really talk anymore." He nodded and watched me closely.

"Sydney. You're name seems very familiar. Ahhh, I know now. He's talked about you before. He loves you." I shook my head and looked away.

"I very much doubt that. Look, I don't mean to be rude, but can I get my check and get out of here? Please?" He nodded and took it out of his pocket. He handed it to me and I thanked him.

I turned to walk away when I saw him standing with Michael, a huge smile on his face. I heard him laugh and my breath caught in my throat. God, I missed that sound.

I looked for another way out as he saw me. His mouth dropped open, he looked shocked to see me here. He said something to Michael and started walking my way.

I quickly started walking for the back door. I made my way through the mass of people and was almost to my car when he stepped in front of me.

"You wouldn't leave without saying hello, would you beautiful?"