Home Is Overrated | ✓

17.| større stykke

større stykke
{Norwegian} 》bigger slice

H a i l e e

It was the day after the Oscars. Ana and I couldn't watch it because we had a test today and we spent the whole night yesterday studying. Me and Ana were such movies fans, it interested the both of us greatly, and it wasn't just about the movie itself, it was also about the behind the scenes, the production crew and so on. Both of us want to work in the film industry. While I have other thoughts in my mind like writing, Ana was really determined to enter film school. Sadly, Ana's father wasn't on broad. He wanted her to become a doctor just like him. I'm sure Ana could do if she wanted to because she is extremely smart but it wasn't her passion.

"I need to watch the movie that won the Oscars." Ana muttered as we made our way out of school. The day ended quickly, and I was more than ready to go home and take a nap.

"How was the test?" I asked.

"It was okay, I guess. It wasn't that hard." She shrugged and I nodded. I really did think it was going to be harder, the teacher stressed us about it for weeks and he insisted on studying harder this time but the test didn't need all of that. I think the teachers just like stressing the heck out of us so even if the test was easy, our nerves would ruin it.

I glanced at Ana's car to find the guys gathered around it, I gave Ana a questioning look.

"Why are they standing there?" I asked. When we saw them at lunch, there wasn't much to talk about so what could they possibly want to talk about now.

"It's Friday, maybe they want to invite us somewhere." She shrugged again. We continued walking to her car.

"What's up?" I smiled at them when we reached the car.

"We were wondering if you wanna go out somewhere?" Edward asked. He was sitting on the hood of Ana's Kia while she glared at him for it.

"Yeah, we could go somewhere." Ana nodded and so did I. I have nothing better to do except to nap which I rarely end up doing because my sister wants me to take her somewhere most of the time.

"No parties, though." Ana added quickly and I agreed with her. We weren't party girls at all and we don't want to try it anytime soon.

"Don't worry, none of that today." Nathan winked. Ana rolled her eyes at him while I stood silently waiting to hear where are they taking us.

"There is new pizza place that sell really big pizza slices, would you like to try that out?" Edward asked. A round yeah's were heard and they walked to their cars.

"Wait! Who should I ride with?" I asked. Everybody owned a car except me and Nathan. Nathan headed towards the Kia passenger seat while I stood next to the car.

"You'll ride with me, c'mon." Aries grabbed my hand and we walked towards his Audi. Edward and Jeffery rode their own cars while Ana drove Nathan. The guys seemed to know where the exact place was so Nathan helped Ana with the directions. Although the idea wasn't very environmentally friendly, everyone went with their own car. They didn't want to keep their cars in the school's parking lot.

The car ride with Aries was kind of awkward. Ever since the nightmare incident a weird tension was built between us. It frustrated me because I didn't know what it was, I couldn't put a name on it and I didn't want it to ruin our thing, whatever our thing is.

I felt the need to apologise but I wasn't exactly sure what for. The tension between us caused my anxiety to make an appearance. It almost felt like I was choking, I couldn't quite breathe and I think Aries noticed because he glanced at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I cleared my throat before answering.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled lightly to seem convincing but I know it will hardly work on Aries. He -somehow- always knows when I'm not okay or lying. I was an open book to him and sometimes, just sometimes, I allow myself to be. Because despite what I tell myself about independence and strength, sometimes I need someone to lean on, somebody to vent to whether it was my mom, Ana or him. But that doesn't mean I'm not independent, it means I'm human and I have feelings. It means I don't have to go through life alone and I'm starting to get that now. Life isn't meant to lived alone.

"It's just...that...it feels kinda weird or I don't know...maybe it's just me...nevermind." Who would say something like that? Only me. But I don't regret it although it makes me feel embarrassed but it's better to let it out than to hold it in.

"Don't worry, I guess it will pass..." He shrugged. He seemed to notice the foul tension between us but paid it no attention while all I could focus on is this tension. I decided to ignore every thought that crosses mind and just enjoy my time with them.

● ● ●

Lately, I have been having a hard time understanding why things are happening? Why do I meet certain people? I am a big believer of 'everything happens for a reason' but lately the reasons are lost on me. It has been really hard trying to find a meaning behind everything that has happened to me, behind every person I have met. I feel...lost...confused, almost as if nothing makes sense anymore. Why do I go through such things? What is the purpose of it all? Why do we go through the things we go through? Through the pain? The heartbreak? The loneliness? The ache?

"What are you thinking about?" Aries asked me as he parallel parked the car. We were in front of the restaurant, the others managed to arrive before us so they have already parked their cars and gotten us a table for six.

While trying to ignore the awkward tension between us, my brain got into this weird spiral of depressing thoughts that only caused me more anxiety and...sadness.

I should be happy, I'm here with friends. I'm here to eat one of my favorite food so I shouldn't think about any of that. There is nothing to worry about...right?

"Nothing that's important." I shrugged. I think of my own thoughts as weird and unnecessary, what would he think if I voiced them out?

We made our way inside the warm restaurant. New York was getting chillier by the day and I am loving it. I adored the cold weather, it also gave me another excuse to sit around the house and be lazy without feeling guilty or my mom telling me to get out. My mom doesn't pressure me into anything but sometimes when anxiety and life gets the best of me and I stay in the house for weeks she pressures me to go out and try to enjoy my time, but with the cold weather, she is less persistent.

"Over here." We heard Edward's voice. They took a table at the back of the restaurant, next to a window.

I took a seat next to Ana and Aries followed. In front of me sat Edward and in front of Ana was Nathan. Jeffery sat across from Aries with a slight scowl.

"We have ordered for you, Hailee margarita with extra cheese and Aries with vegetables on top, right?" We both nodded.

The conversation erupted between us. My previous mood and thoughts were thrown out of the window as I smiled with my friends. Ana's giggles at Nathan's attempt to mock Edward was contagious. I laughed with her as the both kept bickering.

"I. Do. Not. Sound like that." Edward narrowed his eyes at Nathan.

"Shut it, you buffoons." Aries rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless. I could also see a small smile forming on Jeffery's lips.

That's how we spent the rest of the afternoon, laughing, joking and eating the biggest slice of pizza there is.