Home Is Overrated | ✓

33.| home, the essay.

                For a while home was just a word to me, meaningless. I believed that home must be a house, four walls and a roof over my head where I make memories and friends, but home isn't a place. 

               It's people. It's the people we love and cherish the most. It's family and friends. It's those people who aren't fake or vague, who aren't shallow. It's those who make you feel things, the ones who support you through thick and thin. It's the hug of your lover, the pancakes that your mom makes, the kiss on the forehead that your father gives you when he has just gotten back from work. It's laughing with your sister when you have done something stupid, it's watching a movie with your bestfriend on the weekends and criticising the actors.

                  It's me, it's when I am finally able to look at myself in the mirror and not cringe away. It's the feeling of absolute peacefulness when you finally realise that everything is okay, when you finally realise that you have been stressing over nothing.

                   Home is me, my family, Aries, Ana, Edward, Nathan and Jeffery. Home is love, friendship and everything that come with them.

                  I love you all and thank you for being my home.

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H a i l e e

               "I'm so proud of you, you rocked it, babe." Aries wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me into a half hug. He kissed my temple and graced me with his stunning smile.

"Thank you." I blushed and pecked him on the lips.

It was the end of the first semester and it was our last day before winter break. We were over the moon about it because we honestly deserved that break. Our English teacher assigned us this essay months ago and originally it was postponed till the end of the year but he changed his mind. He encouraged us to get up in front of the whole class and read our essay or poems, he also said he would give us extra points so most of us got up. Me being the nerd that I am, took whatever extra points I can get and decided to read in front of everybody. The Hailee that I was just a few weeks ago would have never done that but I was trying to get over my anxiety and stop running and hiding so I did it, and I basically told the whole school that I was dating Aries, not that they weren't suspecting anything, we weren't shy when it comes to PDA.

Lenny and Ana were super happy for me. They fangirled as if we were one of their favorite ships in a TV show. The guys were also happy for us but in a more subtle way. I think Edward and Nathan had some kind of bet going over our relationship and I think Edward won that one.

We were headed to River's diner again this afternoon, it was our last hang out for awhile because we would be with our families on the holidays. I invited Aries over for Christmas and he gladly accepted my offer.

I intertwined my fingers with his his and let them rest on my thigh as he drove swiftly to the diner. My heart was overflowing with love and excitement.

I am happy. I'm happy where I'm at. I have finally come to accept myself for who I am. I stopped hiding from myself and I embraced it and I'm still learning to do so with the help of my friends and family. Loving yourself isn't a switch you can turn on, it's steady, small steps that take to your ultimate goal.

Happiness isn't tied to a person nor a place, it isn't something we search for or find, it is something we create. We don't find joy, we make it for ourselves.

And making friends is hard, it's the hardest thing I had to deal with but as long as I am me, I'll attract people who are similar, who I can be with without feeling weird or less. And being alone is okay, forcing friendships isn't always the greatest idea because it usually backfires.

And finally mental illness, or illnesses in general, doesn't define us. It isn't just us, we are more than what we suffer from. We are shaped by the choices we make and the people we surround ourselves with. We are shaped by the environment that's around us. We are shaped by the hardships we go through and over come. We aren't shaped a by a disorder.

The car came to a sudden halt breaking me from my internal little speech. I looked out the window to find us parked in front of the diner. Aries quickly got out and opened the door for me, I murmured a thank you and followed him inside. The aroma of fried goods invaded my senses and my stomach growled angrily. I was so hungry because I had to skip lunch to finish a last minute assignment. Aries lead us to our usual seats while we waited for the rest of the gang to arrive.

"Geez, guys keep the PDA in the down low." Edward said as he fake gagged. Aries rolled his eyes at him.

"We weren't even doing anything." I exclaimed, my cheeks already heating up.

"But you were thinking it." Edward winked and I blushed even more at his statement.

"Stop teasing her, man. If she keeps blushing like that, she might turn into a tomato." Nathan lightly punched Edward's shoulder.

"Oh shut it, you two! You're just jealous that I have somebody to cuddle with." I poked my tongue out at them.

"I think you hit a nerve." Jeffery cracked a small smirk at me and I smiled. Ana's giggles filled the room as she took a seat next to Nathan and opposite of me.

We continued on teasing each other and laughing till I could feel my abs showing. It was a perfect night, it was cloudless and we had a clear of view of the moon, you could even make out some tiny twinkling stars. But what made it so much better was the company. I was gathered with everybody I love and care about and I couldn't ask for more. I just knew that this is what home feels like.

"What are you thinking about?" Aries whispered in my ear as I watched Jeffery and Edward bicker about what's the best solution for over crowding in prisons.

"Nothing. I'm just really thankful for everybody," I smiled as I lightly traced his jawline with my index finger. "Especially you."

"You're so cheesy sometimes but I love it." We chuckled softly together.

He pressed his lips on mine in a quick yet breathtaking and painstaking kiss. He ran his thumb over my bottom lip gently before he pecked it again and stared into my eyes.

"I love you, Hailee."

"I love you too, Aries."

The end