Home Is Overrated | ✓

27.|koa i luna

koa i luna
{Hawaiian} 》cherry on top

H a i l e e

                For the last few days, I have been paranoid. Paranoia doesn't even cover it. I was scared of my own shadow. My heart seemed to always be pumping fast. My hands are almost always sweaty. A knot formed in my stomach making it hard to eat or breath. A fist was constantly grabbing my throat and cutting off my air supply. I was anxious and worried out of mind. I needed a break. I felt exhausted, I felt silly, like my body can't even hold itself up. I just wanted a good night of sleep and some stress free time to recharge.

School wasn't helping either. We had just past October so we are getting ready for our midterms. I just want this semester to be over already.

The stress was definitely showing. I was getting concerned looks from everybody around me; my mom, Ana, Aries and Lenny. I only brushed them off. I didn't feel like explaining my feelings to anybody, I was tired of everything and everyone and I just needed a damn break.

What I didn't except, though, was Aries knocking on my door on Wednesday after my shift has ended. I opened the door thinking it was a neighbor or something but I was completely thrown off when I found him standing there. My heartbeat accelerated and stopped at the same time.

"Hey, there." He smiled.

"Hi," I smiled, feeling a little self-conscious because of my outfit. Wearing my Harry Potter pj's pants with a yellow t-shirt wasn't the best attire to meet guy like Aries.

"What's up? Wanna come inside?" I asked opening the door wider.

"I was headed for the diner and thought that -um- maybe you want to come?" He smiled sheepishly while shuffling his feet anxiously.

"Um- yeah, sure. Come inside, I'm just gonna change real quick." He nodded and I closed the door behind him. He made himself comfortable on my couch before I hurriedly went to my room to change. My mom was in her room napping while Lenny was outside with some friends. Dad had been working a new job lately so hopefully that would pan out.

I changed into my comfy mom jeans and then I wore a tight stripped turtle neck and tucked it inside the light wash denim. I paired it off with my old school vans and a grey oversized cardigan. I put my hair in a messy bun and then headed back to the living room.

"I'm ready." I called out softly. Ari stood up, he glanced at me and smiled.

"You look beautiful as always." His smile sent my heart into a frantic state. His eyes that shone with adoration made me lightheaded, in a good way.

"Thank you." I smiled at him before looking down at the floor as heat flooded through my neck, ears and finally my cheeks. Aries chuckled softly.

We headed out of the door. I locked it behind me before following Aries to his car. Thank God, he decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator because I definitely felt tension rising between us. We made it to his car in a second and I found myself hesitating. It has been less than a week since Marco's incident. I haven't been out since, only from school to H&M then to the apartment. It felt weird, it felt like I messed out on something. I barely talked to him or the guys. I was too wrapped up in the stress and chaos of everything that I forgot to see how they are doing. I might have been acting like a bad friend. A pang of guilt attacked my heart. I have been ignoring Ana and Lenny too and that is just not fair to them. I don't know where all these feelings and thoughts came from but I felt extremely overwhelmed.

"Hey, you okay?" Aries glanced my way as he continued to drive swiftly. His right hand left the steering wheel and grasped mine in a tight yet gentle grip. He squeezed my hand for reassurance.

"Do you think I'm a bad friend?" I asked, my voice barely above whisper. I regretted asking him that as soon as the words left my uncooperative mouth.

"I mean, I feel like I have been distant lately, like I dunno. I just feel like I haven't been paying attention to your problems or how are you feeling. I have been declining Ana's offer to hang out. What if she wants to talk about something important? It's just --" I cut myself off when I realised I was just rambling at this point.

Get a grip, dammit!

"It's okay. None of us are mad at you. We all got busy lives, especially with the exams coming on so soon. I think all of us have been acting distant lately. Life just gets in the way but that doesn't mean we love each other any less," He glanced at me. He smiled a little before turning his gaze back at road. "I once disappeared for a month after sending my mom to the asylum. I ignored everyone's calls and messages but when I came back the guys treated me like I hadn't missed a day. That's real friendship,

"They didn't even ask me about it. They knew I needed time and when I was ready I told them. Friends give you the benefit of the doubt all the time because they know you." I smiled at his words. Relief washed over me like a warm blanket at his words. I didn't like any of them getting mad at me-- especially after just getting closer to Jeffery, I don't want to push him away again-- because they are my friends, people I care and worry about. I just didn't want to lose them when I don't have to.

We arrived at the diner soon after. It was fuller than the last time we were here. The smell of fried goods and burgers filled my nose making my stomach growl in anticipation. I hadn't had a good meal in days. My anxiety was messing with my eating habits, but now that I am with Aries I felt safe and happy. I didn't feel the need to worry. Also, after speaking with him about how I felt, I felt much lighter. I always did after talking to him. It's like I am made of glass when it comes to Ari, I could never hide anything from him, good or bad. It felt good, it felt great to know that someone understood me, liked to hear me talk about anything. I didn't have that until I met him. And whether or not I want to admit it to myself, I have developed a huge crush on Aries.

It was inevitable. He was the sweetest, most considerate, most compassionate person I know. His personality was made out of rare gold. His looks was just a bonus, a cherry on top of an already perfect ice cream sundae.

Gosh, I was so screwed.