Kill Me with Love

Chapter 10

It’s currently 11:30 at night. I just can’t find myself a distraction from my thoughts and sleep. It haunts me. I know it shouldn’t, It has happened before. I’ve been used before.  This should be nothing compared to what happened between me and Noah, and yet it feels just as the same. Probably since the cut is fresh and what happened before is now long gone, but I somehow can’t seem to let it go. I just can’t, no matter how hard I try to tell myself to sleep, its nothing. Nothing works. I should rest.

I could feel my eyelids finally getting heavy. I use no force to hold them back from shutting, letting myself fall in to a peaceful deep bliss away from my reality. I hear my phone vibrate from my nightstand, but I ignore it. Any movement can cause me to jerk back fully awake and struggle to find sleep again. What things can they possibly need from me at midnight anyway? My phone keeps vibrating. The sound seems to grow louder as my irritation rises to the top. I bring myself to sit up. I force myself to lift an arm to reach from my phone in my paper filled nightstand next to my headrest. Just as I touch my phone it stops making the horrid sound signaling me it’s vibrating. I check my missed calls, they are all from Kale. 

I scroll through my contacts looking for his name and I press call. My focus from the ringing sound was distracted when I hear the doorbell ring. I grab my sweatshirt and wear it on top of my white tank as I head downstairs with my phone still against my ear. The doorbell came again. No one is still answering from the other end of the line. All it does is keep ringing and ringing, but no one picks up. 

I finally reach my peach colored front door. I reach for the door handle, the metal is cold against my touch. Before I could even turn the handle, I bring my hand back to my side. I don’t know who can be on the other side. It can lead to danger. I tiptoe to bring my eyes to the peephole on the door. I look through it, all I see is a familiar blonde boy rubbing his eyes as he force himself to stay awake. Everything is dark outside. What can he possibly need at this time?

The door creaks open, as I pull it back. Kale brings his eyes to mine. He has never looked so tired. His eyes are full of sleep and his skin has been drained from color. He steps into the house. I lead him into the kitchen. He’s silent. I walk towards the coffee maker to make us some coffee and wait for his explanation on why he is coming to my house at midnight, but there is nothing. He sits there on the stool by the island counter with his head in his hands. I’ve never seen him like this. I stand in front of him across the granite counter. I lay my hand on his for comfort. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked softly.

He shakes his head. 

I can’t stand seeing him like this. It physically hurts me. 

“I can’t.” He says loud enough for me to hear, his voice cracking. “I can’t kill him.” He continues. He still hasn’t moved. He continues to stare at the counter with his hands tightly gripping his hair.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to.” He looks up at me, his eyes connecting with mine. I bring my hand up to push way the strand of hair that came loose to his face. 

I walk around the counter to his side and bring my arms to hug him. I knew someone else was going to break. I knew it wasn’t just me that couldn’t handle all of this, but I didn’t know it would be him. He gets off the stool and bring his hands around me. The hug was silent. We both didn’t say a word. All he needs is assurance. Assurance that blood won’t be spilled because of his hands again. 

-

I hear my alarm clock beeping. 7:00. It’s time to get up. I groggily get off my bed and into my feet, feeling like a zombie. I barely had any sleep last night. I stayed up comforting Kale in the kitchen until we both finally agreed to sleep. We didn’t engage in much conversation. It mostly included us just eating. Yes, that is my version of comforting someone, feeding them.