Luck

Chapter Thirteen

there will be mentions of rape, suicide attempts, self harm and eating disorders. if any of this bothers you, please don't read this chapter. i would rather have my readers safe and okay than get reads. there are only two chapters after this. the next will be the child birth and first few months of the childs life and the last will be their wedding. 

                                                              *****trigger*****

i was six years old when you took away my innocence. stripped of everything pure at such a young age. you ruined my life, making me hate myself from an age where all i should have to worry about is going outside and playing with my friends. you made me hate myself more than I would ever imagine.

but that wasn't the end of it. you kept going. forcing yourself on me. hitting me every time i cried. you abused me in ways no one should have to go through. the day you raped me is the day i knew i would never really be loved. because if i was capable of being loved, then why would someone want to hurt me like that?

i blamed myself for it. i always have and i always will. i know i did something to make you want to hurt me, but i just can't put my finger on what i did wrong. everyone says i didn't do anything wrong but i did. i know that i did. 

when i met brent, i was only four. we met at a park in town when you wanted some alone time with me. but mom was home so we couldn't do anything there. you seen this as a way to show me off, didn't you? i knew better, even at that age. before anything happened. 

brent was a nice girl. she was really pretty too. i wouldn't ever admit it, but she would be the only girl i would ever actually see myself dating. i never decided to pursue that though. i was content with just being friends. 

she never saw how you hurt me. she didn't notice the bruises. the handprints. or at least she didn't seem to. she would never say anything to me about them, not even when I would come over crying. 

mum left you when i was, what, seven? she was tired of always fighting with you over nothing and ran off with her boss. i don't blame her honestly. i wish i was able to run off like that. instead, i was stuck in a hell i didn't want to be a part of.

when school started, things died down. well, until i started to blossom. once i developed breasts, it really only got worse. from there. but it wasn't just you anymore. kids in my class would touch me and grab me.

until i started to gain weight. i saw the way they treated the bigger girls in my class and i would rather have been made fun of then grabbed all the time. and eventually, you didn't even touch me either. 

brent and i started to get closer and soon she became my only, and i mean only, friend. she was all i really needed to be happy at that point. and now comes high school. they say these are the best years of your life.

all i got from high school was suicidal. i tried my first suicide attempt in the ninth grade when a boy grabbed my breast and said all i will ever be good for is sex. i went home that night and found a bottle of pills. there was still a lot in the bottle.

my brother found me passed out and made me throw them up on the floor right there. i had never been so embarrassed in front of my brother. he made me feel safe though. i felt okay when i was around him. 

by my senior year, i had cuts covering the majority of my body. i didn't do it for attention. if i wanted attention for it i would have shown them off. instead, i hid them. made sure i only wore pants and sweaters. 

i was just hurting and i didn't know what to do. when i moved out with adrian, i thought that would change how i felt. i thought that not being around you would make things okay again. i only got worse. 

there were more suicide attempts, more cuts, more weight gained. then i found the love of my life in a korean band called bts. i knew from the first time i heard them that i was going to find happiness in the boys.

and i did. it wasn't just their looks that attracted me, not just their voices either. it was the way they treated their fans, making them feel like family. they were so sweet, so caring with everyone they happened to come across. 

And now I get to marry the love of my life after spending so long trying to get them to notice me. No, I'm not doing this for the money. I am really, honestly in love with Kim Taehyung and I wouldn't change anything that's happened between us.