There's No Such Thing As Happy Endings - Book Three of the Why I Run Series

Chapter Six

Point of View: Virgil, First Person
Timeline: Present Day (a minute or so before the end of the last chapter)

"So... now are you going to tell me what's wrong with the three of you?" Thomas asked, eyes bouncing between the three of us.  I chose to fix my eyes to my shoes.  Logan was furious with me, Logan and Patton were fighting, Patton kept avoiding my eyes but I can't imagine what I would've done to hurt him... those nightmares he'd been having before I left? We're they still going on? I - I don't know, 

"Guys - " Thomas started but I cut him off almost instantly with a loud cry of surprise as a memory flashed across my eyes.  It was almost as if I was watching everything in fast forward and suddenly I remembered waking up after my seizure, my argument with Logan, going after Roman, the random voice who helped me find Roman, seeing Deceit, the journey to Dark Palace -

I let out a choked scream as the sight of Roman in front of me - covered in blood, sweat, and face twisted in unimaginable pain.  The sight caused me to stumbled backward hitting the wall behind me, but I could hardly feel it - trapped in the movie going on behind my eyes.  I couldn't move as I watched Roman getting hurt over and over again, my head starting to spin.

"No," I managed, trying to deny the scene playing out in front of me.

I could hear someone talking to me - Thomas? - but I couldn't respond, lost in the horrible sight behind my eyes.

"No, no, no," I stammered as the scene shifted, to me hovering over Roman, sliding the tip of a silver sword down his spine and the joy I'd felt seeing him squirm under me.  My hands started trembling as I watched my hands - watched ME do something UNSPEAKABLE.  I wanted to look away but I just couldn't, I was forced to watch myself... myself... oh my gosh.

"I - I would never - no - it - that - that - can't," I slurred, half deliriously as the scene shifted again and I stared Roman in the eyes, his dull, empty eyes - his wings lying on the floor at my feet.  He tore he eyes away from me, closing them and letting himself be dragged across the floor.  I could feel myself starting to fall into panic once more, as the scene continued.  "No, NONONONONONONO- " 

My voice finally broke and fell into silent sobs.  I could feel my fist against my temples, a sad attempt to get everything to stop, everything to just STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP-

"That - that CAN'T be OH GOSH PLEASE PLEASE GOSH NO!!!! I - pleasepleas - no - I - I - pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEASEPLEASEPL-" I screamed as the me I remembered drove the sword and watched in horror as my hand drove the blade down into Roman's heart -

"RO!!!" I screamed, wrapping my arms around myself as I sank to the floor, sobbing.

"No, please no," he whimpered.  "Please don't be true.  PLease.  No..."

None of the others dared to say anything as I cried to myself.

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder - Patton.

I spun out of his grip - how could he even touch me after knowing what I -

Oh my.

Oh no.

They don't know.

Oh my gosh.

They don't know what I -

Oh no.

Oh my gosh.

H-How do I even tell them something like that?  H-H-How c-could I - I? How c-c-could - I - I - even DO something like - oh my gosh, h-h-how -

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I blinked and then I was lying on the couch, Patton tossing a wet-washcloth on my forehead as I tried to get my bearings.  What...?

"Virgil! Can you hear us?!" a voice asked and I turned to see Thomas, anxiously picking at his nails in the corner.

I grunted trying to remember what happened.  "What...?

"We were just talking, and you just started freakin' out, man," Thomas said, walking over and nervously hovering.  "What happened?"

Oh.

Oh God.

Gosh, please just let me faint, I'd rather faint a hundred times than tell them -

I mean - how could I tell them that I FREAKIN KILLED ROMAN???? 

I felt my breathing start to pick up and then I was crying, tears silently rolling down my cheeks as I 

The three of them looked on, all worried and looking a bit nervous.

I - I still - I - I don't understand how I could've done something like that - how I could've even THOUGHT about doing something like - like - oh my gosh, what are they going to say? How - How could I even do that?

I guess that was the worse part.  I remember it, I remember it so clearly, I remember - JESUS -ENJOYING IT -

I must be ABSOLUTELY INSANE.

THAT IT.

I'VE LOST IT.

I'VE OFFICIALLY LOST IT.

"Virgil?" Patton tried, hesitantly and I couldn't help the immediate flinch I did, scrambling to get away from him.  I - I - I don't understand, I am so SO CONFUSED - how -

"Virgil? I need you to talk to us," a voice said and I realized that I had shut my eyes at some point.  I slowly forced them open with the remains of my self-control I had left.  Now even Logan looked worried.

"What was it? What did you remember?"

I closed my eyes again.  I didn't want to see their faces.

"R-Roman - he -"

I couldn't bring myself to say it.  But I needed to, I needed to say it.

Do it quick, it will hurt less that way.

"Roman is dead."

I couldn't help wanting to sneak a peak, opening my eyes on the last word.

Thomas fainted, and was thankfully caught by Logan, who gently guided him to the floor.  Logan didn't say anything, but his hands were trembling, showing that he was simply putting his emotions to the side for now.

Patton was surprisingly calm, eyes closed and taking measured breaths.  "How?" he asked finally, voice shaking but otherwise abnormally... calm.

I opened my mouth to tell them, to tell them it was me and how I - 

And I lied.

"It was Incubus," I lied.  "He - He - just -," I cut off abruptly, unable to continue.

Patton's arms came around me, hugging me.  I didn't say anything, sobbing into his shoulders - grateful for his warmth, but guilt filling me more than anything.

How could I do that?! Not only do - do THAT but to lie to them about it?! I - I -  

I am insane, I am absolutely insane.

But instead of confessing - how could I look right into Patton's eyes and tell him that I killed Roman? - I simply stayed silent, holding onto Patton tightly, as tight as I could.

God knows that not even Patton would forgive me once he knew the truth.

____________________
OO IM EARLY AGAIN YAY (BOI THAT'S FOUR CHAPTERS THIS WEEK ALONE YAY X3)

Next chapter will go up... idk.  Whenever I get the chance to do it properly.

I want to do Roman's funeral justice ;)

BYEE LOVELIES (and Happy Ravenclaw Pride Day!!)

- Max :)