There's No Such Thing As Happy Endings - Book Three of the Why I Run Series

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Point of View: Patton, First Person
Timeline: Present Day, Deceit and Pax/Will are talking to Thomas about Joan, Ollie and Daisy are captured in the Dark Palace, Virgil is MIA with FG, and Patton is with Logan (who is unconscious at the moment) and Sparks (who is doing her absolute b e s t)

I bit my lip as Logan laid unconsciously on the floor.  He was still glitching a bit - his body occasionally twitching and flicking in an out of sight.  Sparks was whimpering worriedly over Logan and licked his hand in an attempt to be helpful.  In the end, she settled merely for lying her head on Logan's stomach, silent.

And I...

Well I was a disaster.

"Gosh, Pat," I muttered to myself, shifting Logan's head in my lap.  "Gosh, Pat.  Why didn't you just explain it to him?  Why didn't you just explain why you had to cut him off..."

"I shook my head, taking a step backwards.  "I can't do that.  Feelings... They don't work like that, Logan."

"Why not?" Logan whispered, voice so broken that I had to look away.  "I - I've been trying, and trying - why are you determined not to forgive me?  I can't - I can't TAKE this, you being so - so MAD with me all the time -"

"I'm not mad at you."

Logan blinked, confused.  "Y-You're not?" he stuttered, eyes blinking quickly.

"Yeah, I'm mad... really mad.  But... no, I'm not mad at you.  Just... I dunno," I whispered, eyes falling shut and hold Sparks closer to my chest.  That didn't even sound strong to my own ears.  "I guess I'm just - just disappointed.  In that you saw me as some helpless guy that needed your protection and that I am too - too... emotional to make smart decisions.  That I... I was stupid... in your eyes."

"Oh, Patton.  I don't think that you're st-"

"Really? Cause I'm having a pretty hard time believing it," I muttered, uncharacteristically dark and I watched Logan wince at my tone.

"Patton," Logan's expression looked pained.  "I didn't want you to go because - because I was selfish and I didn't want to lose you as well," he admitted, taking a step towards me.

I stood there, shell-shocked, as Logan ran hand through his hair - sighing loudly and looked up at the ceiling.

"You mean so much to me, so much Patton.  The idea of losing you... I - I don't know what I would do without you.  And not just because Thomas's needs you, but because I need you," Logan took another step forward.

"You are Thomas's moral compass - but you're so much more than that, a part of Thomas.  You're sweet and kind and loyal and trusting and you forgive people... even those that don't always deserve it," Logan expression turned guilty.

"You are so unabashedly yourself.  And you always fight for what you believe is right and I'm sorry for keeping from being yourself.  I - I love you, Patton.  And I couldn't bear if - if Incubus d-did s-something t-t-to you, if - if he h-hurt -" Logan cut off abruptly, hands in fists at his eyes and holding his breath.  He wasn't blinking - eyes fixated his shoes, occasionally flickering to his own.

"Lo," I whispered, gently lower Sparks to the floor and walking towards him, taking his clenched fists in my hands.  I gave his hands a quick squeeze.  

"If - If you had been in Roman's shoes," Logan choked out, eyes watering.  "If s-something had happened to you, I - I would never be able to live with myself," Logan whispered, eyes flickering up to meet my own - tears already making a track down both my cheeks.  "I couldn't let you go, I couldn't watch that happen to you.  A-And I don't regret it, and I'm so sorry that I don't regret it, but I can't lose you Patton, I can't.  And... I think higher of you than even you could possibly imagine.