My Life

Dreams

      I dream about her all the time. At night and in the day. Every single second of my life she is lurking somewhere in my thoughts.  I can try to force her out of my dreams, but when you love someone so much and you know you'll never get them , it just doesn't happen. 

       I have flashbacks. Of me and her. Sometimes just her with others of me following her but invisible and unnoticed.  One I remember is back in 6th grade when all my friends abandoned me. She didn't. She sat with me and protected me from the people who were supposed to be my friends, but turned into bullies. Another memory I remember is when she taught me how to do my hair and makeup. The other kids were being mean again and telling me I was ugly so I ran into the bathroom and sat down on the floor and cried while she came after me and I remember the way she took my face in her hands and lifted my chin up, brushing away my tears and telling me I was beautiful. Then she suggested we do something fun, but we only had books in our lockers so she pulled out her purse and says she'll teach me how to do my hair and makeup. I never had a sister or a girl to play with so I was really happy to get to finally do this and know what all the other girls were talking so enjoyably all the time.

Some things I just make up. Things I want to happen or know she would look pretty in or do perfect at. One of my favorites is were it's a bright sunny day and we're dancing through a flower meadow going to a have a picnic while she drags me along by the hand and we sit and enjoy the picnic under a shaded tree near a lake. Then it starts raining but she still has that perfect smile on her face and the next thing I know we're dancing in the rain laughing and having fun. That would be the perfect date for me. I love flowers, picnics, lakes, rain,dancing,smiling,laughing. It's the perfect package.

Another thing that I hate that I crave so much for. I wish I didn't. The desire grows with every passing day. It's agonizing. I want her to kiss me on the lips. I know it sounds silly but I can't help it. I really want her to. I know it won't happen. That's what makes the craving desperate desire strengthen. And I hate it. Yet, whenI imagine her lips on mine it couldn't feel more right. But then they're not there at all and it is just my imagination. Thus, I desire more. But, how can you live without something you know  you need but you'll never get?