unpolished [lams]

Five Senses You Took Away (Along With My Love)

A/n:  WE MADE IT TO 15K YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

THANK YOU GUYS SO FRIGGIN MUCH ❤❤❤

I love you, you're amazing. All of you, no exception.

*****

"Alex, friends can break your heart too."

Why didn't I believe you?  Why was I so stubborn? Why couldn't I just back up and have some dignity?

I guess I was helpless.

Helplessly in love with you.

Our friends would warn me about it. They warned me about how wonderful and perfect you were. But how unreachable and poisonous too.

I guess I was deaf.

All I could hear was your voice telling me how much you enjoyed being around me.

I only could hear the cheesy jokes and comments you would tell me, just cause you claimed to love seeing me smile. All I could hear was the words you would say to glad my ears. All those meaningless words.

And they showed me. They showed me how you'd destroy other people. They showed me how the damage was irreversible. How much pain and suffering it caused to catch feelings for you.

I guess I was blind.

The only thing I could see was your smile anytime we talked. And the way your eyes shone whenever you talked about something you loved.

Should've realized they never lit up when you talked about me.

And they dragged me to the basement of your past and made me touch the corpses of all those people's hearts hidden behind your face and above your throat (a/n:  get the reference in here children.). All of them with severe wounds, some of them were almost fresh.

Like that bleeding heart of poor Martha. No matter how much she begged me to touch it and feel the danger, I never did.

I guess I was insensitive.

The only thing I would touch was your hand when you asked me to run away somewhere, whenever you felt bored.

And they gave me a taste of what it was like to fall for you.

I drank the most bitter water when I saw you smiling and whispering sweet nothings to that Francis guy.

I tried to savour right in the tip of my tongue the disgusting and teeth rottening defeat. All I had to do was puke out all of the things I felt, spit them and swallow a gallon of regret.

But somehow, I was tasteless.

The only thing I could taste was the sweetness of your words when you told me he meant nothing to you. When you dripped honey over my mouth when you kissed me that night under your own ceiling.

But they insisted. They said they could smell the end coming. All of them, they tried to open my windows and make the toxic air flow.

But they smell of sulfur and pain, and tears and blood wasn't what I was perceiving. It smelled like roses to me. Like fresh morning bliss.

I guess my nose was numb.

Because the only smell that mattered to me was the one you left on me after you hugged me. The smell that pierced into my system and reminded me of how much we loved each other the night before.

Or the smell of ocean spray and cigarettes that your hair usually possessed. Or maybe the smell of that one shirt I never gave you back.

Then the predictions took place.

It simply happened, and I was unprepared. Not because I wasn't warned, but because I never thought it would happen so soon.

Suddenly it all came crashing over me like a tsunami.

My eyes shot open and witnessed my own death. My ears, oh how did they hurt!  They ear harming sound of my own heart breaking, along with my will to keep standing. My hands, they were burning over the hot surface of despise. My mouth, I tasted blood and shame, all together. Tasted like someone had just shoved a fistful of mud inside of it. And my nose? I could smell the corpses now, and I smelled my own starting to get rotten among the others.

Then I was completely senseless.

Nobody could save me now. I was buried in the basement of your mind. I was nearer from the center. I was boiling. It hurt me. Like millions of blades stabbing my soul at the same time.

And why was that? Because I was blind.

Because I was deaf.

I couldn't smell it.

Couldn't taste it.

I couldn't touch you like I was supposed to.

If only I should have payed more attention to the words you told me yourself once. Right after you ripped me apart, but before everything started.

"But why? Why is it so hard to let go?"

"Because Alex, friends can break your heart too."